Day 1 of 66: Another determined start

Hello my dear friends (and others who accidentally stumble on this blog),

Some of you are recipients of a spam-like email notification since you have showed some interest in Shuri/ Shuri's cathartic blogs in the past or have/had a personal blog. Actually, I figured that making a public pledge to all of you will help me fight procrastination and make me accountable in publishing even one low quality blog post per week. It is kind of like a paid gym membership that will force you to drag your initially-lazy butt out of the house. I know, it's terrible that it has come to this.

You can unsubscribe from the email notifications at any time by dropping me a message. I won't be offended. Also, I know that spam emails without an "unsubscribe" option are super-annoying.

A few of you have encouraged me to keep blogging though I constantly question the quality of my content, my grammatical abilities, value to others, the purpose of writing incessantly about oneself, and at times, even my honesty.

However, blogging regularly helped me in the past to be more expressive in real life, reflective, grounded and gave me a good means of coping with some of the unpleasant sides of life. It also made me take myself a lot less seriously and kept me entertained - which is good. Occasionally, some thoughts expressed in this blog have led to deeper conversations and new friendships, which I consider a bonus.

I would be very encouraged if you had a personal blog to share, but I know it is not easy to maintain one (refer to paragraph 1 above). So if you prefer to read quietly from the sidelines, please be my guest.

Happy reading (and thanks for the support).

~ ~ ~

Here I am, after a blogging hiatus. It only feels like yesterday that I stopped blogging despite the 18 months of not doing so.

Like an old rusty automobile engine, it is going to take a lot of effort for me to return to writing and keep at it. And, according to a Huffington Post article, it takes 66 days to form a new habit! Yikes.

Anyway, just to get ourselves updated, I left Singapore in early June. I now live in Sri Lanka in the comfort (mostly) and familiarity of my parents' home (my mother even saved my childhood blanket) surrounded by chaos, greenery and several pets.

Unlike the movie, this is a 31 year old woman's story to finally find a real job that involves saving animals

I'm also a post-graduate student studying Environmental Science (finally!) and part-owner (a.k.a. housekeeper) of a small guest lodging. It has been somewhat a culture shock returning to live in Sri Lanka after 12 years. I'm hoping to go into more details in the blog posts to come,

....but before that, let's publish this auspicious post so I would be very embarrassed not to return to write the next post.

I'm really awake, September!

Greetings, fellow blog fans and stalkers.

It is 2:24am and I can't seem to roll back to sleep. It's been day 4 since got back from a short but surreal trip in France and I am still suffering from the adverse effects of jet lag and mild hallucinations. I decided not to wait till I have blogged about that trip. I frankly miss blogging on mundane things and I am a little disappointed that lately, I have been going at an average rate of two posts a month (not for lack of trying, though). So I'll save that post for later when I have the leisure of completing the herculean task of rounding up ALL the thoughts and memories and photos of that week.

My musical tastes this week have shifted to Opera. I can't seem to get tired of Casta Diva.

Hopefully, this post will trigger more posts this month.

Long live bloggers!

The dwelling

"You know what might be fun?", I heard myself ask.
"YEAH!!! A night blog-a-thon!!", came the instant reply.

So here I am dosed up on a cup of coffee past midnight, determined to make it to the finish line and hoping I wont hit anyone at work tomorrow, being obviously sleep deprived. Why? Because my imaginary therapist was right. I am going to explode with overwhelming thoughts any day now.

In the past few weeks at work, when I really should be working, I have often found myself living inside my head (more than usual). But it happens that I seem to deliver the best speeches when I'm drifting off to sleep and draft good blog posts in my head when I am at work (somewhat like how I perform in rock concerts and play violin solos when I'm commuting in the train and how I travel the world and swim with the whales when I am in the bus).

Not having the luxury of sitting and blogging on a regular basis has taken its toll on me. It's not that I turn out world class posts or have pressing issues to blog on, but the simple process of downloading thoughts to an editable screen in front, that allows undo-ing, rephrasing, reviewing, etc, seems to have a magical effect on me. Like the new burner I got recently.

Back in university, we had to take several cross-discipline modules as part of the requirements to graduate. A lot of students saw it as a burden and a distraction from focusing on the core modules of their major. But not me! I had too much fun picking an array of modules on Astronomy, French, Computing, Quantum Physics, Psychology, Food Science, Communication, Tamil and Complementary Medicine. Doing those modules on external topics I was highly interested kept me sane enough to survive the competitive atmosphere of a South East Asian tertiary education system.

I recall bits of a lecture from the Complementary Medicine module on the effect of essential oils on the human senses and general well being. To put it to test, I bought a burner and tried a "mandarin and tangelo" infusion in my new room. It smells divine. And look at me, the oils have already made my brain think it's okay to stay up late and rattle about useless things.

Shu's new essential oil burner, which the sales lady assured won't set off any smoke alarms

I love the new room! It's clean, spacious and it's got Shu written all over it. There's more redecoration work to be done!

After a brief hiatus

Hello everyone!

Since my system has not downloaded its thoughts into writing in a long while, be warned, this post may not make much sense.

Psychology is perhaps a great choice of study. Even without generous research grants, laboratories or guinea pigs, plenty of field studies and theories can be formulated by just quietly looking around.

Social formalities can be confusing sometimes. There are hugs only and one-cheeked kisses and two-cheeked kisses and loud ones and quiet ones and ones inclusive of a hug and even "sniff" kisses where I come from. Basically, elderly people just sniff your cheeks and no one seems to question why it's done. But yeah, sometimes, Shuri gets all confused in the moment with these various options and ends up thinking later "Oh, I should have done this instead of that!"

In a moment of vain curiosity, Shu decided that curls would be an interesting change to her otherwise messy hair. She reasoned that getting curls through a salon would mean that the hair would be a "uniform mess" as opposed Shu's natural hair which is a "non-uniform mess". After braving through nearly two hours of chemical exposure and heat *shudders*, she was given a tutorial on how to maintain these curls. But she forgot most of it by the time she reached home and the next day she went to work as usual after a shower to realise that in place of the curls that were there on the head when she left the salon, was an afro! Slowly, she's learning to manage things with the techniques taught by the hairstylist.

Shu, you stupid girl.

Many weeks ago, two of my childhood buddies and their mother visited Singapore, while my mother was visiting me as well. My mother was practically their mother too, since we all grew up like siblings in the same house from the time we were aged 7 to around 18! So meeting them after goodness knows how many long years, was like a family reunion and it was really fun! Ahhhhh... we laughed and talked so much while visiting all the famous attractions of Singapore.

I even hosted a dinner party for my closest friends while my mother was here (something I rarely do)! I had many panic attacks, wondering how Friend X from Star Z on universe B would get along with Friend F from Planet T in Nebula K or what they would talk with Friend A from Constellation Q on Cluster V. But it turns out, humans are generally sociable creatures, and I worried for nothing (as usual).

Incidentally, I had a good three weeks with my mother and I think we were both able to mend the bonds that were somewhat strained by the long years apart. I do miss her and the family often.

My typical month has four types of weeks:
Week 1 - gets paid - lives like Royalty
Week 2 - lives like an average white collar worker
Week 3 - lives like a peasant
Week 4 - lives like a beggar

And the cycle repeats itself.

I'm coming down with a flu bug, so I'd better stop rambling and go sleep.

Sundays

Waking up to a bright, breezy Sunday morning, without alarms was a treat. I had a nice chat with my BFF from school, who now lives in the States, using the wonderful invention of instant messaging on a smart phone while still in bed. Also, granola bars are awesome. I didn't even have to leave my "work station" to trouble myself with preparing food and clearing up dishes. Next month though, when my mother visits for three weeks, I have to put away with some of these productive habits I have mastered over the years in order to make her stay pleasant.

Let me think, what else?
1. Increase the frequency of the house cleaning schedule
2. Hide all packets of instant noodles, granola bars, instant soup, canned food, etc and fill up kitchen cupboards with wholesome food and the refrigerator with fresh produce
3. Look up expiry dates and throw away anything that's not supposed to be sitting inside the kitchen cupboards
4. Make sure pillow covers match the bedsheets (Ugh, what a pain. Seriously, why do they have to match all the time??)
5. Arrange clothes in the cupboard in an organised fashion (I can't figure out why I like being mess at home, while I take great pains to perfect my work-related and writing projects)
6. Be patient and understanding at all times (while I am commonly mistaken for being "saintly" by strangers, my family members and very close friends will attest to my impatience and shortness of temper)

Oh dear, I've been doing this for so long, that I can't think of what else I have overlooked!

I am still getting used to blogging with a new external keyboard. I was forced to buy it when two of my keys stopped working and up until then, I used to happily blog away with my laptop comfortably sitting on my lap. Now it's a challenge because my lap is not big enough for both a computer AND an external keyboard.

These days, I am reading the autobiography of David Attenborough. Looks like a lot of great men have humble origins and an undying determination to get past the odds. The book adds quality to my 3-4 hour daily commute and was one of those books, I picked up on my way to the cashier at a bookstore.

From an evolutionary perspective, I believe my line of offspring several generations away would eventually lose the ability of speech and instead grow larger heads to compensate for it. Several of Shuri's good friends tell her to come out of her shell more often and go talk to people, especially guys. But this is never easy. Last week, I had some great conversations on life and worldly issues with two elderly gentlemen who were taxi drivers. Usually I sit quietly, mostly unable to find a starting line befitting a stranger, but if it so happens that someone who's good in conversational skills initiate it and bring up a stirring topic (that has nothing to do with nail polish, designer handbags or high heeled shoes), then we hit it off well. The things that come out from a small conversation can be so enlightening sometimes that I wonder how many things I miss for every opportunity I don't give a try. Of course, the other side to this is that, not every conversation with strangers turn out to be those enlightening types.

While waiting at a traffic light to cross the road, last week, Shuri bumped into a guy who works in the same building and have been spotted smoking before:
Guy: Hi.
Shu: ..... Hi.
Guy: You work at XYZ, right?
Shu: Yes [It should be very clear from this bright red lanyard hanging around my neck, with the company name printed in big lett----...SHU FOCUS! He's making small talk. OH.]
Shu: Do you start work at 8? Because I am half an hour late to work today!
Guy: I am usually late too, though I am supposed to start work at 7:30.
Shu: Doesn't your company provide transport to its employees so they can come to work on time? Mine unfortunately, does not.
Guy: They do, but I have my own bike.
Shu: Ah.

Few more topics were discussed briefly while walking to the building, like which countries we were from, what type of work we did, etc..

Guy: What's your name?
Shu: I am > insert real name <
Guy: My name is >insert real name<

Shu: Nice meeting you and oh look, I have to go this way to my office.
Guy: Don't you take the lift?
Shu: No, I prefer the stairs. B-bye!

On the way up the stairs, Shu tries very hard to recall what his name was, Terence? Tesla? Tesh--? whatwasitnow? Crap.

Fail.

~~~

I received a hard copy back-up of my old blog (in other words, A BOOK!) few weeks back from Blog2Print. It was such an exciting moment to flip through the glossy pages and read my tales and go through feelings of nostalgia and smiles, while having the smell of new printed pages in my face. I spotted a few spelling and grammatical mistakes (nuoooooh!), but this is the closest thing to having my very own published book, so I'll take this first-attempt-product-thing gladly. After receiving the parcel at work, I clung on to my bag all the way home and hoped I won't be hit by a bus, until I was able to come home and read it to the end.

 The front

The back - okay, I know it doesn't look too age-appropriate, but there's a caterpillar in there!

 The glossy pages (there is a table of contents too...soo cool!)

If you are reading this line, that means you belong to the list of people in the last category (and thanks)

Katy Kat, I hope you are reading this post from Norway! Enjoy the snow for me.

After thoughts

I was eventually going to write a post on how profoundly blogging (writing) has changed me over the last two and a half years, but this blogger beat me to it and probably said it better than I would have. What started out as just a way to let out bottled up emotions and a challenge to see how long I can keep a commitment, turned out to be a journey of self discovery, finding meaningful pursuits, broadening my knowledge and perspectives, an ally in facing fears and weaknesses, and best of all, an enjoyable hobby!

When I first started to blog, I was too shy and afraid (of looking stupid) to have others judge my thought processes or know my personal details, so I only shared it with three very close friends who were also bloggers. I even had two self-imposed rules; no retracting posts (since the temptation was high to do so when self-belief was low) and no adding new content to old posts after 24 hours have passed since publishing. As the years rolled on and I conquered most of my fears in voicing out my opinions and grew to have confidence in myself and my writing abilities, I became more comfortable with sharing my blog with other friends, acquaintances and even family. During this time, it also hit me that I am not so special after all, in the sense that I feel the same about my struggles and victories in life just as anyone else might about theirs. Might I add here that the feedback I have received from friends is much appreciated and have been a welcome source of encouragement. Anyway, the point of all this rattling is to personally recommend blogging to anyone who is on the fence about trying it out.

For lack of a better analogy, a blog post to me is like a pile of poop. Yes, it feels good after a dump, but that's not it. Once this pile is out and sitting on a spot in cyberspace, it can be observed from a fresh perspective, rotated to be seen from different angles and even dissected, tested and further analysed (like in a laboratory) later on. I have often noticed that after an opinionated post is published, the mind doesn't stop thinking about the topic, rather continues to analyse it along with the myriad of other things the mind processes in a day. For example, after dissing the couple with 19 children, I came to realise later that it might be their conservative cultural and religious beliefs that make them think and act in that way. In the past, like in my grandparents' time, it was not uncommon for families to have a large brood of children, often more than ten. Even today, it can be commonly seen with many middle eastern families and conservative families elsewhere in the world. While I do not condone ignorant views on contraception or polygamy, not everyone (especially those who are shaped by strong cultural and religious beliefs) may see things in the same way I do.

There have been some interesting developments in my 'Going Green at Home' campaign. Without talking to my flatmates about my intentions, I simply stuck the note below next to an extra garbage bag in the kitchen. I thought that I'll have to introduce them to the idea in baby steps, which is why I thought let's just focus on paper and plastic for starters. But in an unanticipated twist for so short a time, they have become fully supportive of the idea - they not only sorted all their garbage according to recyclable/ non-recyclable items before throwing, I even saw that one of them had thrown aluminium cans in the same bag. And it only took two days for this change of behaviour! Maybe people just need a nudge sometimes to do the things that they know in their heart to be right.

I really didn't anticipate any feedback, let alone full support. I also wonder if they will be as thrilled to have me here when they realise that I am using them as guinea pigs for my social (and cooking) experiments

While throwing out my second batch of sorted garbage for recycling (this time, much less conscious about who was watching me), I saw a family drive in, throw their sorted garbage into the recycling bins and drive off in a car. Now that was somewhat encouraging!

In other news, Wildlife Reserves Singapore has been actively promoting the upcoming River Safari attraction and the arrival of two giant pandas from China, called Kai Kai and Jia Jia. These two will be used as representatives to educate the public about their imminent extinction if nothing is done about their declining numbers. Currently, there are an estimated 1000 pandas left in the wild due to massive loss of habitat. Captive breeding programs at zoos and conservation centres can only do so much as female pandas ovulate only once per year and are fertile for only 2-3 days during each reproductive cycle.

Adorable-looking no doubt, but they can be as ferocious as any other type of bear species