The World of Speechcraft

This post is not about people who love to march out there and be leaders.

I am not a huge fan of being a leader among the masses. Not because I prefer being a follower each time, but because it involves interacting with people, it is energy-draining, it means additional responsibility, it draws too much attention to myself and it interferes with my primary preference of being a quiet observer. The only time I would willingly volunteer for the post would be if the ship I was in was really sinking fast and there was absolutely no one else to take the helm.

 Shu's impressions on being elected a leader

Back in year 2001, the senior teachers in my school decided to give me the title of Head Prefect. Up until then in all the long years that they knew me, I never displayed the widely accepted leadership qualities like good communication, assertiveness, self-confidence or being a socialite - so while I felt honoured, it did come as a surprise. I suspect the only reason I got it at the time was because I had the best balanced track record of good behaviour (seriously, how much damage can a quiet, dreamy kid do?), studies and sports in class and being an all-rounder in those areas was a prerequisite for the post.

My term didn't start off well. The tiny speech I had to give at the Induction and Awards ceremony that year in front of a hundred students, teachers and parents was a bit of a disaster. Despite my best friend's efforts to help me practice the speech until I knew all my lines by heart, I forgot them on stage on the most important day.

The Speech went something like this (dotted lines indicate actual words which elude my memory now):

Shu: Good afternoon everyone.......................................................................

.....................................................................................................................

......................................................I thank you all for coming (ends abruptly)

[Gets distracted looking at an object in a distance and forgets the lines. Not sure for how long I was gone]

Shu: Ummm...

[Recalls the lines after a very long pause]

Shu: I thank you all for coming and ...............................................................

...............................................(this time, manages to end speech correctly)

The only priceless memory of that day was seeing my parents glowing with pride as I came down from the stage after being inducted the Head Prefect and walked over to hug them. Everything else was mostly traumatic.

Public speaking was never my strong suit. I am soft-spoken in nature preferring to act in the shadows over shining in the spotlight. I hardly voice out my opinions in social settings. My thoughts take too long to manifest themselves into strings of utterable words and very often, the moment of impact is long gone by the time they are uttered. And nearing 30, I have mastered the art of successfully dodging group activities and careers that require public speaking skills. On some level, I knew I had to eventually address all my irrational fears associated with public speaking, so I put "Join a Toastmasters Club" towards the very end of my bucket list (after "Swim with whales" and "Give a solo violin performance on stage").

Due to a recent turn of events, I had to cross off this bucket list item much earlier than planned.

Being a Docent at the zoo meant that once a month I had no choice but to give a confident commentary on King Cobras and conservation of reptiles to the large group of visitors that gather on Sundays to watch a snake feeding session. While I was confident in my facts and the command of English, organising the speech and conquering a stage was always a challenge, that only got negligibly easier with time. On the days that the cobra was shedding and there was no feeding session or a commentary, I was quite relieved (overjoyed, even). 

This went on for months until one day, I was asked to evaluate and grade the commentaries of two new recruits since no seniors were available that day. I protested (unsuccessfully) saying I was bad at it myself and that I felt in no way qualified to evaluate others in an area I was not confident in. It was a strange experience being in an evaluator's shoes and giving constructive criticisms to my juniors on all the the points they had to improve on, like maintaining eye contact or projecting the voice. I observed first hand what my own shortcomings in public speaking would look like to my audience. I decided then that I had to pull myself together and get past this irrational fear since I'll need the skills for the causes I deeply care about. How else will I garner public support to fight for those creatures that need to be protected, for example?

The Toastmasters Club offers a non-intimidating and encouraging setting for many people with the same problem I have. It's like going to a clinic for STDs. Everyone there has or had one before and it is encouraging to see that most people have been successfully cured with proper medication (a lot of consistent practice - in the case of delivering speeches)! I had the initial urges to bolt from the gathering of strangers and never come back, but I'm glad I calmed my nerves and stayed. 

 A very fitting animation on the science of stage fright

I had to give two impromptu speeches so far. The first one was really bad with me having a brain black-out at 0:53 seconds. The second day's speech was slightly better with me sticking around until 1:59 minutes and feeling only a little light-headed. There's an overwhelming load of things to learn, pay attention to and adopt, but I feel hopeful and inspired by watching some of their experienced speakers with great stage presence.

Coincidentally, a few days after I attended my first Toastmasters meeting, I was elected the Reptile Station Head from my group of Docents. 

"I'm sorry, I work a 6-day job and I won't be able to attend any meetings and such on Saturdays," I said, hoping for an overruling of their decision.

"Nevermind, we will help you!" they said.

and so, Shu fell into another hole.

Photos courtesy of Google Images.

Borrowed from the Internet

I'm often amazed by how much information is out there on the Internet to be retrieved at the click of a button and at the convenience of not having to move even an inch from the seat.

Today, as I "enjoy" a day off work on medical leave and (unintentionally) keeping up with the last gloomy post, here is a very interesting TED Talk on our ideas of Death:

Here's a funny, yet powerful advertisement on a real social problem:

I face this on a daily basis while working in a construction site with hundreds of male foreign construction workers as I walk out to the public canteen for lunch or walk out to the bus. Not every worker does it, but most of them do. It is not restricted to one type of nationality, though some types are more prone to do it than others. My inherent nature of being hyper-sensitive to external social stimuli, makes the problem a deeply-felt one. It matters little if you are very attractive or not, conservatively dressed or scantily clad, with or without tattoos or piercings; but if you are a young female and a minority gender in the area, the chances of being stared at by certain groups of people increase exponentially.

While the work site is generally safe for female employees to work from any physical harm, the stares don't get any easier or lesser in incidence even after 1.5 years of being on the job. I have been forced to adapt to selective seeing (in other words, avoiding extended eye contact with any one human subject) and mentally blocking some of the anxiety it brings. I've also noticed that it helps greatly to have company going out to lunch as one's thoughts are less focused on the surroundings and more on the conversations at hand. And I suspect, from an evolutionary perspective, we feel safer and bolder being part of a "herd".

From the point of view of a starer, I think it is just a learned habit which most of them pay little attention to. They grow up in societies thinking it is a normal thing to do and are rarely challenged to re-think such habits or put themselves in the shoes of the people they affect, which is why the "mirror" in the advertisement creates a powerful impact. Also, it is not a punishable crime to stare so some take it as further as they can go without getting into trouble themselves.

Speaking of problems, the way some people learn to embrace their problems makes all the difference between achieving what they are capable of doing and achieving a lot less than that. The TED talk below also reminds that having the unwaivering support of family and friends to help us believe in ourselves can be a blessing.

Long Live Jackfruits!

On some evenings, I am greeted by a cat on the ground floor of my building. I figured I'll call her Skitto but the name is still under review as it might be construed as mildly offensive. She is unlike any other cat I have met. On some days, she comes running to me like we are best friends. On other days, she runs away from me like I am a serial killer. I was baffled by this behaviour until one day, it dawned on me that she might be suffering from a bipolar disorder. If I weren't a white-collar worker, I could have been a veterinary psychologist!

This week is a very eventful one. Another social event approaches - the type that Simple Shu prefers to not participate in. It is a bother to find dresses (the theme is "Secret Agents and Spies") and think of make up, but if I am making any compromises to my regular routine, it would be okay to do that with my zoo friends, who share a lot in common with me.

I also failed a basic driving theory test by 1 mark this week. Failing is not only demoralising, it is also inconvenient. Oddly enough, after absorbing a lot of information on driving and road signs, I have just begun to notice signs on the roads that I never saw all this time. I wonder how much information of what we see with our eyes actually reaches our awareness. The brain is a curious thing. Last night, I gulped down a cup of coffee half an hour before bedtime in hopes of studying road signs. It failed to keep me up so I gave up and went to sleep. This morning, in spite of sleeping, I woke up feeling like my brain had been up all night from a caffeine overdose.

Jackfruit (the tree has practically a hundred uses in a lot of countries) is a favourite of many Asians. I was thrilled to receive a pack of dehydrated jackfruit chips from my parents the other day, which I cooked to (Shu's level of) perfection.

Raw jackfruit chips, preserved by dehydration

A delicious, finished product

The Social Butterfly

I have been quite the social butterfly this weekend.

Last night, I attended a Dinner and Dance in appreciation of zoo volunteers who had just completed two months of training. Contrary to the title, there was no dance, only dinner. It was a fun event with good food, good company and games. The CEO of the organization came down to thank us for our efforts and that was rather humbling. If I am able to make even a microscopic impact on this fight for conservation in my lifetime, I would be a very happy soldier.

As with all events that require me to get well dressed up with (heavy) make-up, I was anxious the whole time. The extra attention and the unfamiliarity that it brings makes me feel uncomfortable and out of my natural element. Attempts to explain myself, brush off compliments modestly and shy away from the spotlight probably makes well-wishers think that I have low self esteem about my looks or worse, think that I secretly love the attention but pretend otherwise. I have none of those. In fact, being human, I do crave attention, but that's more for (more permanent, hard to fake and harder to achieve) inward characteristics rather than (temporary, easy to purchase and apply) exaggerated outward appearances. Try explaining all that if it came up during a dinner conversation without sounding like a freak! (I don't bother).

Why bother to dress up well, then? Well, I believe that dressing up appropriately for an occasion is essential. Whether it be a wedding, an interview, a party, a club, a holy site, a funeral - all have social rules that *I* think one must comply with if they decide to attend such an event or place. So I put in a lot of thought to blend in and avoid going under-dressed, over-dressed or inappropriately dressed. With a little advanced mental conditioning, I venture out of my comfort zones to acquire appropriate dresses/shoes (that I would not normally wear), get help from a skilled person for make up (even if I hardly recognise myself later or sometimes in the past have scared myself when looking in the mirror!) and try my best to hide the anxiousness (when I observe or imagine others reacting differently to me compared to other times).

Oh Shu, they are yet to find a cure for self-inflicted paranoia!

Reptiles Rock!

Several weeks of training as a Docent have come to an end. Next week is the assessment. I'm quite nervous, knowing I can manage the theory, but perhaps not so well for the public speaking element of it.

For all my life, I have deliberately avoided situations and opportunities that involved any type of public speaking. And at age 27, I am feeling the consequences of it. On a positive note, it's comforting to know I have taken steps to work through it and in the spirit of doing something I love, I have conditioned myself to be okay with failing, taking feedback from the trainers and practicing it until I get it right. The other day, I was watching a TED talk and the speaker mentioned that in a survey conducted, "Death" was rated as the No. 4 fear, while "Public Speaking" was the first most feared thing that a majority had picked. That means most people felt that dying was a better alternative to giving a speech!

I can relate, actually. I recall many years back, I had to give a speech in school as one of the newly appointed Head Prefects. Back then, I would have happily turned down the title just so I can avoid giving The Speech before hundreds of people that included my family, teachers and friends, but that was not an option. With lots of help in rehearsing the lines and moral support from my best bud in school, I survived that fateful day. I could not feel my legs for most part of the speech, but that wasn't the worst part! Nearer to the end of my speech, my attention got fixated on a small child sitting at one of the furthest rows and I blanked out on my words. I made a quick comeback (I can't be too sure for how long I was gone) by repeating where I left off and got on with the rest of it, but I have not voluntarily opted to go through such an experience up until now!

Why is this a commonly occurring phobia in the human psychology? Here are some tips to help.

My highlight yesterday was getting to handle the live exhibit at our station (a small Royal Python aka, a Ball Python) while returning it to its enclosure. It was such a magnificent (non-venomous) creature that for a brief moment, I felt the selfish fascination that drives some people to go to great lengths to acquire them as pets and why the illegal pet trade still thrives. It was very pretty, soft and I was so mesmerised by how it glided so effortlessly along my hand! Part of me kept thinking please let me take it home for a day, I promise I will look after it well, but the sensible part of me reminded that the initial desire of owning one wears off and they belong in the wild in their natural habitats and not in our homes (in less-than-ideal conditions) for our entertainment.

Royal Pythons, being small-sized and docile, are sought out pets leading to much efforts by authorities to combat illegal trafficking and trade of these animals

Live animals are a great conversation starter with visitors. It is very easy to capture their attention as they are naturally curious and use it as an opportunity to educate them. They like to hear things they didn't already know about the animals. Here's an example; Why is a Royal Python also called a Ball Python? Answer: No, it's not the skin patterns, it's because they curl into a tight ball when threatened and hide the head safely inside, so that a predator finds it too big to be eaten. Yesterday, I met twin girls of about five years of age, who were highly fascinated by a stuffed crocodile specimen. They asked me, with the most serious attitude on their faces, "Does this crocodile have a brother crocodile and a sister crocodile?". For a moment there, I stumbled to think of a satisfactory answer. Trying not to laugh, I had to tell them, "Yes, he does". The experiences gained during visitor interactions can vary and are anything but predictable.

It's been great looking forward to the training sessions every Sunday. The facts I have been learning about crocodiles, alligators, gharials, snakes, lizards, turtles, tortoises and terrapins each week have been extremely interesting! And to go back each week with new knowledge of these animals and observe them for real is like seeing them through a new layer of understanding and respect. The more I learn, the more intrigued I am by the evolutionary connections they share with other species. Crocs are the closest living cousins to dinosaurs and they have not changed much in structure for over 200 million years (no need to, they are perfect as they are!). To think they are extensively killed for their hides to make handbags, shoes and the like is depressing (why aren't we humans born with naturalistic intelligence by default?). It's even baffling to learn that crocs are more closely related to birds than lizards, and how their four-chambered hearts are structurally similar to those of birds and mammals. Python skeletons have small vestigial limbs (showing that at one time in history, their ancestors walked and eventually found no use for it!). Then, some lizards have no limbs (they lost the use of them over time). Cool stuff.

Crocodilians - the ultimate mean machines of the wild, but not so appreciated for the crucial roles they play in nature as sanitation squads and in keeping prey populations under control

Ahhh, there are SO MANY interesting facts to learn and share about reptiles! I can't wait to start...

Expressions

The sitar is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful and expressive instruments ever designed and it holds a superior position in the world of stringed instruments. It is a popular instrument of choice for the Hindustani (North Indian) style of classical music and it is often accompanied by a tabla - making them a winning team. Combined with the talent of a player, type of raga and other vocal and instrumental accompaniments, it can evoke strong emotions in a listener. The clip below that I found on a friend's Facebook wall is an interesting and beautiful fusion of music from the East and West.

"Sea Dreamer" by Anoushka Shankar, Karsh Kale & Sting

It also reminded me of one of my old music teachers. He was a very talented and accomplished sitar player back in his day. But when I came to know him, he was passing a definite low point in his life and his glory days seemed a lifetime ago. I came to know he coached intermediate students on the violin and soon after, I became his student and continued for a few months until it was time to leave to Singapore. Violin techniques were not his strong point but he was able to give compostions and coach me on these since I had the basic skills. Apart from giving me beautiful classical pieces to play which he made up on the fly (I think he was mostly lazy to prepare in advance and follow a syllabus but I didn't mind at all), he showed me how these were supposed to sound by playing it on his sitar. Sometimes he got carried away and played a little extra. That was certainly a highlight of this class. I would often sit and watch soul-struck, speechless and sometimes on the verge of tears (of joy) before I picked up my violin and hopelessly attempted to play like that. He was that good.

Today was day 3 of 4 for hip hop classes. It's fun and encouraging to go with Katy Kat, who took an interest in joining the class after reading one of my old posts. Together we have made a pact to break out of our social awkwardness that inhibits us from enjoying ourselves as dancers. Today was the first time I felt comfortable and least conscious at class so I am quite thrilled about it. It just might be progress over three classes or the fact that it was a mixed hip hop class for beginners that didn't involve many feminine dance moves like the two previous girls-only hip hop classes I tried. 

[Edited] During these few classes, it has occurred to me that had I spent more time as a child pretending to be a diva, following those feminine moves would have come easy! But no, I spent much of my childhood like the son our family never had, being my mother's 'bodyguard' in my father's long absences from home and the kid who naturally preferred trees, bicycles and getting messy outdoors over dolls, dollhouses and playing dress-up indoors. So it's going to be a little challenging to move past my current diva bias and learn to follow a simple choreography for the sole purpose of mastering coordination in the girls-only classes.

Happy belated birthday, Shu. You are now twenty-seven years of age.

Un-wiring and Re-wiring the Brain Circuits

It's about time to do something about my chorophobia (yes, they even coined a term for the irrational fear of dancing!), which is but a small side effect of my larger and more complex issue of social anxiety. 

It's hard to understand all the factors that led me into being like this. For all I know it was a slow transformation that occurred subconsciously for many many years. But what I do know now and what actually matters is that nearly all these associated fears are irrational and worse, it holds me back from enjoying the things I like, getting the things I want and living my life to the truest potential. Sometimes, the solutions aren't too clear or easy, yet sometimes, it can be as simple as strapping yourself to a paraglider + paragliding pilot and jumping off a cliff or even buying a $20 Groupon voucher for 4 dance classes.

This was an open Hip Hop class for beginners. Salsa wasn't really my thing, as I found out last year. After a rather disappointing interview earlier in the day, I was very much looking forward to this and made my way there early to sign up. I did the mistake of skipping dinner and tea before the class.

Very soon the instructor walked in and made us do some warm-ups. Ouch! Those hurt. Then we all stood up to start, and WHOOSH - Shuri was hit by a wave of postural hypertension. She announced "Today, we are going to learn a very sensual dance and it involves a lot of touching yourself" O_O Anyhow, it turned out she didn't choose her words carefully because it wasn't as bad as she put it. Sure, there were some hip shaking and butt pointing, but nothing too freaky. 

The class was actually okay. The instructor was really good at what she does and a pleasure to watch. It seemed to come naturally to her and she clearly enjoyed dancing [Awww, I wanna be able to dance just like that!]. There were about thirty students packed in the studio but it was just nice that no one bumped their hands and feet on others. Some of the students were very good, some bad and some in-between. To my nerves' relief, I didn't know anyone and no one seemed to care about the others because they were all struggling to keep up with the moves. I picked a spot all the way at the back and later, suffered trying to get views of the instructor at the front. I was easily one of the worst students in the class. Although I followed the first half of the choreography, things got complicated later, I got a little disheartened and messed up all the steps subsequently. I even had to skip doing one of the twirls, because it seriously made me dizzy. Blacking out and hitting the glass was the last thing Miss Self-Conscious on behavioral therapy needed!

Ignoring social anxiety for the moment, I realised I had so many other issues to work on. First of all, my brain keeps getting confused over mirror images and it's relation to my left and right. I vaguely remember I had this issue while trying out Dance Central on the X-box kinect. As I was following the instructor's image on the mirror in front, I kept wondering if I was doing it right. Then, I have BAD, no wait, I have NO mind-body coordination. My brain has spent too many years worrying about how I'll look or what others will think of me while I make an ass of myself, that I haven't spent enough time learning to move or coordinate the different parts of my body. Maybe I should have spent more time observing my movements (rather than looking for irregularities of my appearance) in mirrors like normal people do. For all my brain knows, it is fixed to a stump of a torso and four appendages that are the legs and hands and complex coordination is...not possible. Following the instructor and keeping up was therefore overwhelming. Next, remembering the sequence of the moves was very tough. And finally, without practice and persistence, I'll be going nowhere further than square one. 

At one point she said "Don't be too stressed, just imagine you are a diva!" [Gee, I wonder what that is like.]

Anyway, she left us with some helpful and hopeful advice saying, "Don't be too self conscious, you have to find a way to break out if it. I myself was extremely self conscious when I started out. It's only after you manage that, can you really enjoy dancing."

Man, I'm so looking forward to this movie. The background stories of the characters are often cheesy in this series of movies, but the choreography is guaranteed to be mind blowing. Kathryn McCormick, Travis Wall and Twitch from "So You Think You Can Dance" will be involved as characters and choreographers in this movie. 

Internet Addicts Anonymous

"Hello. My name is Shuri and I am an internet addict. I spend too many hours on the computer, often compromising on a healthy lifestyle, not communicating or spending time with family members and not having a variety of non-internet related hobbies. Today I am happy to say that I have realised this and will think of ways to fight this addiction. Thank you."

I have been OBSESSED with this song for three days now. In a moment of weakness, I attempted to download this song on to my phone from a legit YouTube phone application while at work. After exhausting ALL the 9MB of data left on my mobile internet package for the next three weeks, I got an error message to the effect "Unable to complete download. Only 9MB of 16MB has been transferred". Outcome: I had no song and no mobile internet for the next three weeks. Of course, I rushed home to download it through my home Wi-Fi connection and I have listened to it a 201 times since.

Sometimes, Shuri thinks life is too short to be too careful with what she says and does. Sometimes, it's OK to make a fool of oneself like dancing with sub-zero skills and laughing over it later. Sometimes, it's OK to give an honest but offensive opinion if there's a good message that's relayed. Sometimes, it's OK to tell people you love them and they won't feel uncomfortable or think you are mad. Sometimes, it's OK to trust new people if the first and second impressions are good. Sometimes, it's OK to swear and make a scene if the cause is worthy. Sometimes, it's OK to lean on someone for help. Sometimes it's OK to take a calculated risk and face whatever comes head-on.

Shu goes a Salsa-ing

This day has to be logged for future records.

In an attempt to bring a cheer to my otherwise dull life, I decided to take either an aerobics or a dance class. Actually, it was more to get a little physically active so I don't drop dead next month while 'hiking in the Himalayas'. Nowadays, climbing a small staircase at work makes me pant, gasp for breath and curse my lungs. I haven't been this determined to find something in the recent decades, but I spent many hours calling places, google-ing places, looking at advertisements, asking around, reading sites, etc. Until finally, I found the most cost-effective and convenient class, very close to my block.

There's a mad dancer inside me, trapped and waiting to break free from my social-phobia and physical inhibitions. I just hope it decides to come out before I die or become bed-ridden, in other words, not too late. Hip Hop classes, which I have been dying to take since forever were at a timeslot that I could not make. The only choice left was a Salsa class. I have never been a big fan of it, mostly because of the high heels and ass-hugging mini-dresses worn by female Salsa dancers. Just for a month, I thought, I'll take what I can.

This guy's a charm in the Lion King movie! Took me many years to know that "Hakuna matata" was a real phrase very often used in Kenya.

So today, I set out for the first class. Luckily, we were asked to wear track pants and socks (and not heels and minis)! There were just two other girls and the instructor, who looked old enough to be my little brother and who looked remotely related to Timon in Lion King (Oh that reminds me, there's gonna be a remake of Lion King in 3D soon. Woohoo! Think I know almost all the dialogues and scenes by heart!). We learnt the first three basic steps of Salsa, taking turns to partner with different people of both genders. It was very awkward; one's supposed to stare right in the face of the partner to gain confidence and avoid looking at one's feet. Comes to mind a game we used to play as kids. We'd stare at each other's faces and see who cracks with laughter first. Usually, I was first or second to burst out laughing, so needless to say, it was hard. The steps were simple enough, but rapid changing of the steps to music proved challenging.

There's talk of changing the timeslot of this class to one I can't participate next time. So even if this was a one-time experience, it was fun and mostly, it was a new experience that I gave a shot!

The Cultural Divide

They say people learn from mistakes. Sometimes it takes more than one mistake of the same type to learn.

This morning didn't start so wonderfully. For one thing, I lost my frameless spectacles while touring. So I wore my geeky black framed spare pair from University to work. I'm a self-diagnosed sociophobe but even that didn't have anything to do with the way people kept looking at my eyes when talking to me. It would have been a lot more unnerving to me if I attached a "SPARE SPECS" tag to the frame for those who wondered about it. So yeah, back to the point. I was called to a pre-audit meeting on very short notice. I was the last to enter the room, where the external auditor was introducing himself. I walked in with a jolly mood and extended my hand after introducing myself. Again, I caught several people staring at me ("Must be the specs, I thought"). He then passed on his business card to everyone present. Halfway through the meeting it hit me! This man was a Muslim, and I am in a Muslim country, 'Men species' and 'Women species' associate with much caution, and women NEVER initiate a handshake. I felt faint everytime I remembered it. Oh well. It isn't even the first time this happened! I'm pretty sure I got rejected from an interview when I went and extended my hand to a Muslim interviewer at the beginning of it. I distinctly saw that he was shaken after it. What to do? Even if one finds such small things ridiculous because of a different upbringing, one must respect the traditions in a country where one is merely a guest.

Facebook is an endless source of entertainment. Today I saw someone leave a comment on a friend's picture of her (adorable) pet guinea pig: "What breed of dog is this???"

Last weekend, I had a fantastic (unplanned) cruise along the beautiful of fjords of Oman. Details of this trip will have to be recorded later, when I have photographic evidence.

Also received a touching message from a junior today, which completed my day:

Happy birthday! Hope you have a really good one :)
by the way, it's my graduation ceremony today! so happy that I'm successfully done with it! thanks so much for all the support you gave me at the start of university! really appreciate it all :D

Never thought I'd post a clip from a game like this on my blog, but here it is, beautiful and worthy of admiration.

Presenting....Alice (from a wicked Wonderland)!

Wish upon a star!

Here's a song, that feels like you are high on air! (helps to mute the lyrics)



I think I may have written the first chapter for my autobiography! A very controversial one, but I'll be excited if this plan of mine goes to the stage of a book. I know it's going to take ages but I don't care if no one reads it (except my editor and a few close friends whom I'll force to read up!), I just want to challenge myself to see that I can see it through. Lesse.

Went to class today after a month. Very rusty, but I got a tiny lesson on something I've been drooling and dying to learn for YEARS. It was a good feeling to be reunited with music. Now to kick myself to practice more often.

Dad's going to be here in 2 days' time. He's is so sweet and smart, that's about all I know about him. He speaks very little, but I wish he gave more feedback on what he thinks of me. My Jeep will have all the free health checkups while he is here as he loves diagnosing faults and fixing vehicles.

I long to see a meteor shower! Missed one many years ago when I was a kid. I distinctly remember waiting for the a meteor shower, laying flat on the warm concrete pathway in my garden, watching the sky, which looked so beautifully dark blue and studded with millions of sparkly stars and planets. Btw, tar roads are nice and warm to sleep on by the end of the day. Tried it laying down on a road for a short while for the heck of it as a kid to find out what animals find so great about it. Anyway, it got too late, the meteor shower didn't happen while I was waiting and my mom yelled out asking me to come back inside because it was too dark and there might be snakes!

Oh no! Work tomorrow, with new clothes and a new (unsymmetrical) haircut.