Good eats

We shifted to a new office in a brand new building recently. Now that the worst parts of moving are behind us, the new office is something I look forward to. Going through the agony of shifting together and being shuffled around has fostered warmer ties among different sets of people. I have my own cubicle and no longer share an office room with my boss. The pantry is next door and there are three times as many ladies' toilets in this building. Not only that, they gave me my own locker located inside the toilet! Now I don't have to resort to creative ways of pulling out feminine products discreetly from my bag in my boss' field of view or resort to sending telepathic signals to his part of the brain that controls thirst and the bladder. Open office plans are somewhat unnerving. People sneak up from behind a lot and involve me in random small talk or expect me to take part in group conversations flying across the floor which I don't pay much attention to.

The trip back home made me rethink my eating habits. The lunch I eat at the office canteen is quite oily so I decided to eat home cooked meals on some days. Although I am not noticeably affected by oily food now, who knows even an extra year saved in terms of blocked arteries during my last stand may prove to be useful. I actually enjoy cooking. To me, it's more like an enjoyable version of laboratory research where the subjects of my experiments are my friends, and not mice. The friends don't mind since they get to sample free food. Making food that is healthy is science. Making food that is visually appetizing is like art. And making food that tastes good with the right ingredients in the right quantities is chemistry. Hitting that mark of perfection in taste is like reaching the equivalence point in a titration experiment. Adding anything less or anything more is likely to miss the mark. With the exception of accidentally poisoning oneself or burning down the house, failures in cooking experiments are valuable things that go down as lessons learnt.

Last night I went out for a barbeque with my colleagues. We planned this event for many days with much excitement. Everyone pooled in their ideas and sponsored various items. Initially they planned to bring their families and invite other friends, but in the end it was just the four of us. I stated in the beginning that I won't be inviting any of my friends - I can't imagine how any of my closest friends would enjoy an outing on a Friday night with a group of mostly unknown people and be forced to socialise.

We drove to the farthest end of the country in search of our barbeque pit in Changi Beach Park. In all the excitement, we forgot to research on the road route. We parked in the wrong car park and walked about a kilometer from the car park to the pit carrying heavy things like charcoal, barbeque equipment, food, drinks, a bag of ice cubes, a large ice box, large umbrellas and a big watermelon! Also, getting a fire started was quite a challenge. Eventually, we settled in what was a calming spot, listening to the waves pounding on the beach and getting excited every time a low flying aircraft made its way to land at the Changi airport. It was a Friday evening well spent in good company, (over)eating, talking, singing a lot of old songs (mostly just the first few lines) and playing charades.

What do vegetarians eat at barbecues? In yesterday's barbeque, Shu sponsored garlic and herb vegetable skewers and grilled corn

On my return from Sri Lanka last month, I brought back some biscuits to distribute to my office colleagues. One of my favourites is the ginger biscuit which I also passed to an older Scottish colleague who occasionally gives me biscuits and freebies leftover from Safety campaigns in the office.

He came back to me several weeks later and said, "Shu, do you think you can get me more of those biscuits? As kids, we used to eat something called Ginger Snaps, which we don't see anymore. It reminded me a lot of my mother who used to dunk the biscuits in milk because they were too hard for her false teeth!"

It's fascinating how memories of certain events in our lives are tied to food or songs and archived in our long term memory, only to be released on contact with specific triggers.

"Ginger snaps" from home

In a twist of unexpected events, Brother Bear and Goldilocks are turning out to be better tenants than we are. While we are at work, they proactively clean the house (although we protest to it), fix broken locks and to our embarrassment, they even solved a chronic clogged sink issue. Now that they keep the house cleaner, we are feeling the pressure to keep up. Shu learned that they got married only a couple of months ago and left family behind soon after to start a new chapter in Singapore. It's a bit saddening knowing it's a struggle to adjust to a new country and culture, but at the same time, it's admirable that they are trying it with a positive attitude.

Last week, Ryuu and I caught Guardians of the Galaxy and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles back to back. I didn't think we'd make it through 4 hours of sitting (with old age, weak bladders and all) but we did. Guardians was definitely the better movie of the two, but Turtles was a major blast from the past for me. I was a big time fan of the cartoon as a child and recall fondly playing the game on my TV game console.

Recently, I discovered a food stall selling "appam" and it was our pre-movie dinner. In Sri Lanka, they are known as "hoppers" and are very popular among the masses.

Not so long ago, Katy and I decided to try Mediterranean food at a restaurant called Esmirada. Just when we were beginning to think the food there was a bit underwhelming, the restaurant suddenly came alive and started playing a loud, catchy folk song. I thought it might be a birthday celebration. Then some of the staff members got on tables and danced away while smashing lots of porcelain plates! Soon, they gave us plates for smashing too!! Everyone was in smiles and followed suit.

The staff danced on the tables to this folk tune. It turns out that smashing plates is an ancient Greek tradition and the "Zorba" is a Greek dance.

The floor was a mess of chipped porcelain when we left

June ends

The haze situation is stable for now. Ginger was gone for a week and I thought the worst. Then, day before yesterday, I was never happier to see two orange paws sticking out of my neighbour's shoe rack.

Singapore enjoyed non-hazardous air all of last week. The Indonesian government has been taking measures to control the situation, mostly in response to pressure from the international community. Singapore, meanwhile, is busy implementing emergency preparedness measures in schools, hospitals, offices, etc, in case the haze comes back. Often, we lack the drive to take preventative measures (which we perceive as taking up more of our time, effort and costs) and instead focus on tackling immediate problems as and when they arise. Taking shortcuts can cost much more sometimes.

I have a very small but surely growing collection of books. So whenever, I need a book fix and I feel too lazy to hit the library, I end up re-reading my favourite books. It's kind of like how I tend to order the same things at restaurants, despite resolutions to be more adventurous in trying out new things, because I know for a fact that it is going to taste great. So I picked up Quiet again and it's been really hard to let the book down.

The book also got me in trouble TWICE today.

Scene #1: This morning, I honestly missed a text message from my colleague, who was in the next carriage, saying "Good Morning Shu, I just saw you step into the train." because I was wrapped up in the book. And she said she didn't walk over to me to say hello because she saw that I was very engrossed. She is thoughtful like that. Had I seen the message, I would have been forced to go socialise with her instead getting some valuable reading time so I was glad about the way things turned out [Shu, you are going to hell!]. It is possible she thought that I saw her message and chose to ignore it.

Scene#2: Evening time, again in the train after we've (she's) talked a lot and I've listened more, she asked casually what I am reading. I told her it's an interesting Psychology book and pulled out the book to show it to her without much thought and shortly after that, I regretted showing it. It read "Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking". I should have been more careful. I hope she didn't feel like it was a metaphorical slap in her face because I thought I saw her blush. I felt terrible. I'd rather she assumed I was a forelorn introvert reading a self-help book to gain self confidence than take it the wrong way.

I try not to over-use labels, but it's impossible not to, in this case. Sure, there are exceptions; introversion and extroversion lie on a spectrum rather than being two fixed states and some people are harder to pick out as they have mastered qualities and skills that don't come naturally to them. But the more I understand the psychology behind this phenomenon and observe social situations, it appears that the majority of introverts and extroverts are as unmistakable as males and females of a particular species.

My colleague is a nice extrovert who is very thoughtful, kind, smart and has a big conscience (but she will stop being nice to me if she found out I was using her as a case study on my blog!). Being happily married to her college sweetheart who she admits is an introvert, she seems to know well how to draw us out of our shell in a pleasant and non-threatening way. The most successful couples I have met are pairings of the opposite type, provided that they each have a good understanding of their partners' strengths and limitations. My parents are such a couple. Though not the most romantic couple on Earth, they do make a good team that can work in synergy. They celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary two days ago, and *gasp*, Shu and her sister forgot to wish them, until they reminded us! We assume they know that we love them very much regardless of temporary flashes of memory impairment.

Here's a timeless tune that's always a hit at weddings:

Partying with the bugs

These days (non-lethal) flu bugs to me are like sparkly little blessings that come sliding down rainbows in angel wings. MR VIRUS. PICK ME! PICK ME!! I'll be your human host. I just want a proper weekend to rest at home. *sobs* 

I might just be delirious right now or my insane working hours have altered my brain chemistry for the worst. Either way, I'm not complaining about my flu today.

My commute to work in the morning consists of three phases; a short bus ride to the train station, a short train ride and finally, a cab ride to my office. For phase three, I share the cab fare with a colleague in a mutually beneficial arrangement. She is the closest thing to a friend/ decent female colleague I have at work. And she's a sweet, kind-hearted lady, really, whose company I appreciate very much at work.

But here's the thing, she also LOVES to talk and think out loud. There is hardly a silent second when I am with her. After a calming bus and train ride either listening to music or reading a book, this is how my morning typically goes:

GOOD MORNING SHU!! (the image below is a very accurate representation of the situation)

This picture belongs to Allie Brosh - the awesome blogger from 

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.sg/2010/09/four-levels-of-social-entrapment.html

It's good to know she's back after a long hiatus.  

It doesn't take too long before I'm given a report on everything from the evening before, the night before, the present morning and an outline of what is to come during the day. She also has the ability to hop through a myriad of  topics, just starting with "Do you know what happened to me this morning???" or "Come, I have some new Facebook photos to show you!!". 

Of course, I am exaggerating a little, but seriously, where do these people get so much energy? Wait. I think I already know the answer to that one.

Hurrah, a two day weekend, finally!

Filling the voids

I have completed six months at work. Since I could not find a suitable picture on the internet to describe my interpersonal progress at work, I made an amateur attempt to draw it. 

No snails were harmed in the making of this picture

~ ~ ~

People who have fallen into their perfect niche of a career are unmistakable. The doctor in my neighbourhood clinic is one of them. He sees a good number of sickly and depressed people per day and yet in all the times I have visited, he used scribbled up diagrams to explain more about my disease, even without me asking any questions. I have only visited him when I had the flu and so far, he's drawn my throat to tell me how infected my tonsils were and another time, he drew the cycle of events that follow a flu and how we can block certain points in order to prevent progression to the next symptom! He is so cheerful, kind and even generous with recommending the number of days to stay off work. I also noticed he uses very mild and minimal medicines to treat patients. My spirits are usually up a notch when I walk out of his consultation room. Not only that, I wonder why he charges a little less than what a government clinic does.

I should send him a postcard when I move out from this neighborhood.

~ ~ ~

A new anti-rape bill was passed in India recently. This came about in response to the horrific gang rape case in December that attracted much local and international attention. If the case didn't get so much attention, I doubt the bill would have been passed by now. It's a small victory, really, because it's going to take a while before its effectiveness shows up in the statistics - during which time more victims will pay the price. It will take even longer to change the existing attitudes of a religious and conservative culture. This is true not just in India; it happens in every culture and every society where extremist religious/patriarchal views dominate and in cultures that are alien to the concept of gender equality.

On one side of the world there are women who lead relatively safe lives with equal opportunities in career and education. And on another side of the world there are men deciding that women need a male guardian's permission to travel, or that they are born to serve as sex slaves, or they don't need an education, or that they cant drive a car, or that they should be flogged for being raped  - and these men so sure in their 'righteous' beliefs just like we are certain the sky is blue. And most women in these unfortunate parts of the world, though unhappy, have it instilled in their minds that this is indeed their fate and that there is nothing better for them in this life. Fighting for their human rights is a risky move when even the national laws don't support them.

An article that was shared by a friend of mine stated that every rapist is someone's son. It explores how parents have the opportunities to change the course of life events in a male child that may lead to a fateful decision like rape. I don't think parents bringing up sons in environments where gender equality and respect for all differences are encouraged and practiced need to worry much. It's the other parents who have a greater role to play in the lives of the sons they bring up.

Sundays

Waking up to a bright, breezy Sunday morning, without alarms was a treat. I had a nice chat with my BFF from school, who now lives in the States, using the wonderful invention of instant messaging on a smart phone while still in bed. Also, granola bars are awesome. I didn't even have to leave my "work station" to trouble myself with preparing food and clearing up dishes. Next month though, when my mother visits for three weeks, I have to put away with some of these productive habits I have mastered over the years in order to make her stay pleasant.

Let me think, what else?
1. Increase the frequency of the house cleaning schedule
2. Hide all packets of instant noodles, granola bars, instant soup, canned food, etc and fill up kitchen cupboards with wholesome food and the refrigerator with fresh produce
3. Look up expiry dates and throw away anything that's not supposed to be sitting inside the kitchen cupboards
4. Make sure pillow covers match the bedsheets (Ugh, what a pain. Seriously, why do they have to match all the time??)
5. Arrange clothes in the cupboard in an organised fashion (I can't figure out why I like being mess at home, while I take great pains to perfect my work-related and writing projects)
6. Be patient and understanding at all times (while I am commonly mistaken for being "saintly" by strangers, my family members and very close friends will attest to my impatience and shortness of temper)

Oh dear, I've been doing this for so long, that I can't think of what else I have overlooked!

I am still getting used to blogging with a new external keyboard. I was forced to buy it when two of my keys stopped working and up until then, I used to happily blog away with my laptop comfortably sitting on my lap. Now it's a challenge because my lap is not big enough for both a computer AND an external keyboard.

These days, I am reading the autobiography of David Attenborough. Looks like a lot of great men have humble origins and an undying determination to get past the odds. The book adds quality to my 3-4 hour daily commute and was one of those books, I picked up on my way to the cashier at a bookstore.

From an evolutionary perspective, I believe my line of offspring several generations away would eventually lose the ability of speech and instead grow larger heads to compensate for it. Several of Shuri's good friends tell her to come out of her shell more often and go talk to people, especially guys. But this is never easy. Last week, I had some great conversations on life and worldly issues with two elderly gentlemen who were taxi drivers. Usually I sit quietly, mostly unable to find a starting line befitting a stranger, but if it so happens that someone who's good in conversational skills initiate it and bring up a stirring topic (that has nothing to do with nail polish, designer handbags or high heeled shoes), then we hit it off well. The things that come out from a small conversation can be so enlightening sometimes that I wonder how many things I miss for every opportunity I don't give a try. Of course, the other side to this is that, not every conversation with strangers turn out to be those enlightening types.

While waiting at a traffic light to cross the road, last week, Shuri bumped into a guy who works in the same building and have been spotted smoking before:
Guy: Hi.
Shu: ..... Hi.
Guy: You work at XYZ, right?
Shu: Yes [It should be very clear from this bright red lanyard hanging around my neck, with the company name printed in big lett----...SHU FOCUS! He's making small talk. OH.]
Shu: Do you start work at 8? Because I am half an hour late to work today!
Guy: I am usually late too, though I am supposed to start work at 7:30.
Shu: Doesn't your company provide transport to its employees so they can come to work on time? Mine unfortunately, does not.
Guy: They do, but I have my own bike.
Shu: Ah.

Few more topics were discussed briefly while walking to the building, like which countries we were from, what type of work we did, etc..

Guy: What's your name?
Shu: I am > insert real name <
Guy: My name is >insert real name<

Shu: Nice meeting you and oh look, I have to go this way to my office.
Guy: Don't you take the lift?
Shu: No, I prefer the stairs. B-bye!

On the way up the stairs, Shu tries very hard to recall what his name was, Terence? Tesla? Tesh--? whatwasitnow? Crap.

Fail.

~~~

I received a hard copy back-up of my old blog (in other words, A BOOK!) few weeks back from Blog2Print. It was such an exciting moment to flip through the glossy pages and read my tales and go through feelings of nostalgia and smiles, while having the smell of new printed pages in my face. I spotted a few spelling and grammatical mistakes (nuoooooh!), but this is the closest thing to having my very own published book, so I'll take this first-attempt-product-thing gladly. After receiving the parcel at work, I clung on to my bag all the way home and hoped I won't be hit by a bus, until I was able to come home and read it to the end.

 The front

The back - okay, I know it doesn't look too age-appropriate, but there's a caterpillar in there!

 The glossy pages (there is a table of contents too...soo cool!)

If you are reading this line, that means you belong to the list of people in the last category (and thanks)

Katy Kat, I hope you are reading this post from Norway! Enjoy the snow for me.

Lost and Found

My mental processes were highly occupied the last week with my latest read - Quiet. Simply stated, the book is brilliant. I have new-found respect for introverts and more tolerance towards extroverts now. After reading the last page, I was walking around the house today (somewhat dazed by the effects of flu meds), shaking my head thinking, only an extraordinary individual who spent a considerable amount of time learning, observing people and situations, and analysing this data while spending a lot of time inside her head could have put together such a powerful a string of words, touching on many aspects from individuals, politics, education, corporate cultures to world cultures, world history, relationships and parenting.

Perhaps this wisdom will help me get along well with my highly extroverted mother when she visits next month! A lot of things make sense now; like how spending my impressionable years in a conservative Asian country that admires the Introvert Ideal, going to the same familiar school for fifteen years of my life and how having parents who didn't try to inhibit me and instead let me 'run away' with whatever thoughts and interests my mind fancied worked to my advantage in excelling in studies, building my core character and nurturing some of the life-long friendships I built along the way. I was a happy introverted child, having with me everything I could possibly wish for (it's no wonder my right foot is firmly planted in that past).

The real challenges came later in life after leaving the safe protection of the nest. Some of the downsides that I discovered later (apart from being way too naive and not knowing myself well enough) were that I was poorly armed in communication and social skills, all which led to self-doubt and loss of self-esteem in no time. These seeped into my performance in university and made it difficult for me to progress in the competitive world in my early career. Worst of all, I had no sense of direction because I had no idea where I wanted to go till quite recently. But the path leading to these types of self-realisations has ultimately been a rewarding one.

In my first blog post in May 2010, in describing myself, I write....

"I never felt like I fitted in anywhere as a person (does anyone, really?)"

Only now I have the answer to that! I was busy comparing myself to extroverts and trying too hard to conform to the extroverted standards that I thought was required for the environment I lived in when deep down it was exhausting and didn't feel right. I no longer feel the burden of wanting to fit in places I would not fit in, instead I actively seek out niches of people and situations that fit me. Knowing my limitations, I only stretch out of character to accomplish things I am really passionate about and in special cases where it is a pre-requisite to get to something I really need. And with enough practice and time, even out of character attributes (like public speaking, being assertive and feeling less anxious with new people/places) get easier. 

Shu, you took two and a half years to figure out all this?? Really?? You are such an idiot.

I keep telling myself, I should stop blogging about introversion and animals for a change, but I keep falling back to those same topics. 

The other day, I hunted down The Lion King I at a video store. I have lost count of the times I have watched it since its release in 1994, but it remains my favourite animated movie of all time. Watching it from an adult perspective this time, I was pleasantly surprised to see that behind the humour and colourful characters, the story still has many positive messages to take away.

Last weekend, I had a go at pseudo-skydiving at iFly Singapore on a Groupon voucher. "Pseudo" because it is as close as one can get to the real thrill of skydiving in the safe conditions of an indoor wind tunnel. It's a wonderful feeling to defy gravity in a controlled manner and not have to be burdened with the weight of our bodies, as in the case of swimming and flying. To my surprise, I was the best flyer in our group of seven first-timers (unlike being one of the worst performers in the new dance class I tried many months back!). The trick was to relax, position yourself according to the instructor's advice, be aware of the body positions that took your higher or lower in altitude and enjoy the flight that lasted less than a minute. After this experience, I feel a slight itch to add 'skydiving' to my bucket list, despite my fears of jumping out of an aeroplane with a faulty parachute.

Flying Shu. My photo was taken courtesy of a kind lady who was also taking pictures of her family and she volunteered to email them to me!

This being my first solo visit to Sentosa in over three years, I noticed a lot of change on this integrated island resort. Many new attractions (each with a big price tag attached) have popped up like mushrooms with new buildings using up every available space on the island making it rather over-crowded now. In some ways it felt like the place has lost its relaxing charm, while trying hard to make the most revenue out of thousands of visitors that visit here. In other ways, it appears to be evolving into a world-class attraction providing visitors with a wide range of unique experiences, that can't be found elsewhere.

I wonder why I woke up this morning, with a strong flashback of my time with my maternal grandfather. During his able years, he was an iron-willed, egotistical, domineering, hot-tempered and violence-prone man who was feared by many. In a fitting match of professions, he served in the military during the World War II and later in the Police force. When I came to associate closely with him after our family moved to his neighbourhood, he was a changed man. He was still strong-willed and independent, yet he was a retired widower living alone with a much softer temperament.

On most evenings for nearly three years, I would visit him for a couple of hours after getting home from school. His favourite past time used to be sitting on an old refrigerator placed horizontally under a shady mango tree while reading newspapers, chewing betel leaves, killing mosquitoes and having a 360 degree view of the large garden and frequently scanning the area for anyone who tried to sneak in from the borders. There were a lot of thieves in our village ranging from innocent ones looking for firewood, coconuts or fruits to junkies looking to steal anything they can find to get money to buy drugs. But with my grandfather's notorious and fearsome reputation, few had the nerve to try. The ones who tried often got caught and repented dearly.

Our meetings were like a tradition. We would both read the newspaper taking turns to read different sections and (mostly he) would comment on them. I preferred reading jokes and articles related to Science and Health. All the time, we would be surrounded by swarms of mosquitoes. I would use insect-repellent, wave my legs to discourage them or sometimes let them have a little 'food'. He would swat them and collect the dead ones in a small mound between us. Then he would make tea for us and we would chat while having crackers with our tea. He had a lot of stories to tell from his past. Often his face lit up relating the memorable  ones where he acted valiantly. One of his favourites was telling how he had to shoot down a wild elephant that terrorised the villagers in a remote area where he was assigned to be on patrol. He tells me that he had nightmares for many months after that incident. Sometimes he told me the same stories over and over again, but I still listened patiently. I would help him with small chores like running to the grocery store to buy things, sweeping the garden or cleaning leaves off the gutters on the roof (though my mother protested to that) and plucking fruits or betel leaves. In return, he would usually give me fruits (usually overripe and not really edible, but I used to accept them anyway and discard them later).

He came to appreciate and depend emotionally on my company and he always inquired about the days I didn't turn up. If he heard I was sick, he would come all the way to check up on me. I suppose he felt very lonely after I left the country for my university studies, without anyone to take my place in the evenings. A few months after I left, I heard he got his first stroke and was left partially paralysed. Old age is not a pleasant phase and while there is strength of mind, there is usually better quality of life. But the moment it breaks down, sickness and death approach faster. Eventually, he went to live with his son and even made a short recovery from paralysis, but at age eighty and five months after I left, he succumbed to the second stroke attack. That December, I flew home straight to his funeral. And that was also the same month that the country was devastated by the tsunami of 2004.

I still miss him sometimes.

I'm in Love with Kangaroos

Welcome to another new year! It's that time when most of us reflect back on the year that passed and make resolutions for the new year knowing very well that they may eventually be forgotten or fail to take effect. Despite the failure rate, reflection is a good practice to cultivate. And the concept of a new beginning seems to give a little extra motivation to try a bit harder to change those hard-wired habits.

After finishing my station duty at the zoo last weekend, I took a stroll to explore a part of the zoo which I had not visited in a long while: the Australian Outback. The Singapore Zoo worked closely with late Steve Irwin to design and open this exhibit featuring native species from Australia and nearby islands such as Kangaroos, Wallabies, Tree Kangaroos, Bearded Dragons, Emus and Cassowaries.

Before that though, I took a detour to catch the 'Elephants of Asia' show, featuring four Asian elephants from Sri Lanka. There is something so powerful, graceful and intelligent about these endangered herbivores that demands our respect. Of course, suppliers, consumers and everyone who stands to gain from the illegal ivory trade would disagree with me. 

Hoppity Hop - An Eastern Grey Kangaroo

When I made my way to say hello to the Kangaroos and Wallabies, the Wallabies were having naps but fortunately for me, it was the Kangaroo feeding time. After having a chat with the keepers, I was given a small bowl of kangaroo feed (it looked like ordinary guinea pig food pellets) and a chance to feed one. He or she was a friendly five year old Eastern Grey and my, wasn't he/she so adorable! Pretty big eyes with eyelashes and soft fur like a cuddly soft toy - I have been on Cloud 9 since that encounter *slaps self* 

Whats wrong with you, Shu?
Please can I take him or her home for a short time and look after it? 
Are you mad? You are being overly emotional, plus it's a wild animal meant to live in the wild, not a pet. 
Or can I come live and work at the zoo? *slaps self again*
You already have a job, dumbass.

Book stores are terrible, terrible places. I went to accomplish a simple task of picking up one book from the reserved books counter and going home with the purchase. But I got carried away in the sea of massive bookshelves promising thousands of interesting worlds in the form of books to anyone who picked them up. I ended up going home with two books. 

Ta - daaa!

I was very excited to finally get my hands on Quiet by Susan Cain. My enthusiasm for it started many months ago during my unemployed phase. Once I even located the one book store that had a copy at the time and kicked such a fuss when the staff could not find where they placed the book. That had nearly all the store staff sieving through shelves to find it. At last, one of them found it and I had to shamefully leave it behind (I have not stepped back in that store again) when I saw the hefty price tag on the hard cover copy. So I vowed to get it later and I did.

The book has been very engaging so far and I use every opportunity to savour it. Like today, I selfishly ditched my only friend at work/extrovert, to catch an early bus home, just so I can read in solitude. She's a good soul (unlike those toxic types that my gut instincts say "Run Away" from) who's the type to reach out and include even the quietest ones like me, but on some days, 40 minutes of a good quiet read in the bus is far more rewarding and energizing than 40 minutes of actively listening to another who naturally can't stop talking about themselves for even 10 seconds. Funny enough, this closely follows the theme that this book discusses at length.

I'm probably more excited about this book than an average reader because it strikes so many chords on a personal level. Not only that, it's a brilliantly researched and analytical book, that uses ample solid scientific evidence (as opposed to abstract philosophies without logical basis) to build a case. Often, I find myself falling into potholes of deep thought after reading a stimulating idea put across in the book, only to crawl out and fall into another one a short distance later.

The biggest accomplishment that accidentally came out of my blogging exercise (coupled with a few other factors) in the past three years was that I gained a better understanding of myself, why I am the way I am and most importantly, being more accepting of these and being comfortable in my own skin - though it is still a work in progress and I'm guessing it will remain so for the rest of my time. So as much I treasure coming to express my thoughts freely on my blog space, reading this book has been like a pleasant rendez-vous with a stranger who I got along extremely well with. At times when I read it, I feel like it was written just for me. 

Reading this book will aptly conclude my mini-research project on the Introversion/ Extroversion theory.

.

Welcome to the World of Introverts

Darn. I am supposed to be studying for an assessment tomorrow. While attempting to gulp down facts from a 150-paged manual on reptiles, my brain refused to cooperate. When I told it to cut the act and focus, it was literally blogging away inside my head. Being the bad multi-tasker, I had to step out of my books for a bit to get this over with.

The other day, I was spending some quality time with Ginger when I had a realisation. I can't imagine why it didn't hit me before this! Here it is: cats are introverts. And THAT'S why I find it easy to have fulfilling relationships with them. No disrespect to dogs, though. I had several dog-friends growing up and I've adored all of them as much as they adored me and I have found great traits in them like how they are ever so faithful and not prone to mood swings. But in general, they have too much energy, they are loud, they demand lots of active attention, they are unpredictable, they have little sense of other's personal boundaries and they drain me out really fast - they are extroverts in the animal world. Cats on the other hand - very calm, to the point, they value the concept of privacy, they know when to call it quits with the attention-seeking before it becomes a chore, they listen (or do a good job of pretending to), they give others a turn to react, they have a soothing purr and they don't pull any surprises that I can't handle. Again, no disrespect to dogs or my extroverted friends and bear with me as I try to make a case.

The Internet is a wonderful thing with countless possibilities. I can go on about it, but instead, I'll just point out that it's probably the best thing that was ever invented for introverts. Finally, something much more powerful than printed media and the postal service came out for introverts to express themselves, be heard and network with other introverts. Something which they don't usually tend to do otherwise, see? Thanks to all the developments, introverts have been identified, encouraged, empowered and are slowly gaining a reputation that they are worthy of. Heck, it took me - an introvert - over twenty five years to identify and completely accept that side to me and understand the various ways in which it affects my life and the world at large. Up until then, with all the information I gathered from the world outside, I arrived at the conclusion that there was something utterly wrong with me. So it's quite understandable that in an extrovert-dominated world, introverts are most often misunderstood and under-appreciated, much like any other minority.

I came across a blog with a list of debunked myths about introverts that sums it up very nicely and I quote (only the comments in red are mine):

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. (OMG, YES). Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite. And don't pull out lame start up lines like comments about the weather or asking for the time, when you clearly have a phone to look it up.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. We don't really want to know what you did over the weekend, if we are not close to you or didn't ask you about it. And it's unlikely we'll tell you all the things we did over the weekend, if we are not close to you or sense that you are just asking for the sake of making conversation. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting. But rest assured, they can be kind and sensitive people, if you give them a chance.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts. Or we get very moody or worse, contemplate on turning into serial killers. 

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. They are hardly bored. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with or have a creative outlet. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy. And for this reason, they are also very understanding and accommodating of other "weird" people around them.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up. And PLEASE don't give us lectures on how to go out, unwind and meet new people to have fun or how much we are missing out on life by not having an active social life. You are making no sense at all. Trust me on this one. 

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. Yes, and together we complement each other and make the world a more interesting and productive place.

Introversion and extroversion lie on the opposite ends of the same scale, so not all introverts have the characteristics above in the same intensities. Also, being an introvert or an extrovert is just a default setting that requires the least amount of energy but everyone is capable of stepping out of their comfort zones if the need arises, with a little extra determination and effort. And it is important that they do, sometimes.

Here's a nice help sheet, courtesy of Google Images. I don't agree with 6 and 10 - if only Life came with advanced notices! so try not to spoil them, plus losing that one best friend who probably took ages to bond with would be devastating to an introvert

Now that I've spoken on behalf of all the introverts out there, I feel much better. 

Ah yes, one more thing.

Normally, I don't speak to strangers, not even to those on the internet (not without good reason or proper background checks). Because I imagine they are mostly criminals (Shu, you really need to go easy on watching the crime and investigation channel) or otherwise normal people who will track me down and try to make small talk. But as I did a little research for my post, I stumbled on this noteworthy blog:
http://katemcmillanblogs.wordpress.com.

This blogger has a knack for saying a lot of things with just a few words (which is refreshing, as you must be already tired of reading this long-winded post to get to this line) but more than that, is a cool comic artist! And I have gone as far as "stealing" the initial (interesting) conversation thread and pasting it here, with the excuse that it is somehow very remotely relevant to the theme of this post.

Shuri says:

Hey, you draw some cool stuff and relate things in an amusing way  I’m not a creepy stalker, btw. I just happened to do some research on introverts (my species) today and Google pointed me to one of your posts. Then I thought the fonts, colours and layout of your blog looked rather interesting.

katemcmillanblogs says:

Yay! A friendly (not creepy stalker) visitor! Welcome!  Haha, I’m glad you found the posts worth looking at. That is always nice to hear.
I hope your research was successful. 
Drop in again whenever you like! 

Internal circuits

I am now passing the phase of my life where I want to consciously categorise and stick a label on everything, including myself.

Impaired hearing, sneezes that don't manifest without some encouragement, a nose subjected to too much friction from tissues, suspicious fevers that one can't tell apart from freezing office temperatures, questioning the efficacy of age-old herbal cures while drinking them  - not great places to be, BUT,

My interest in cricket has been re-sparked by the Commonwealth Series. Of course, it has everything to do with watching the Sri Lankan team - my personal favourites - play some good cricket as a team under what is obviously good leadership. Looking forward to a good game tomorrow [Afternote: it was supposed to be day after tomorrow. I woke up very early to watch said match and was disappointed to find out I had got the days mixed up] between the Sri Lankans and the Australians! We've (watch how I take some ownership for all the hard work the team put in) won 4 out of 6 matches with the Australians in this series already. I don't see the need to prove anything more than what the numbers tell.

I have stumbled on a website with plenty of talks made by various people on various topics. All you need is to know what you want to hear about and you'll most likely find it here at www.ted.com. On a similar note, www.bookboon.com is another good one-stop place for a variety of free e-textbooks.

I heard someone talk about introverted personalities in positive light today and that's a first. I struggled with having to conform and gain acceptance in a society that favoured extroverts. It never felt right or easy being in the spot light, socialising at parties, making a fool of oneself, performing solo, hanging out with people for long periods of time or making small talk. So I grew up thinking for a very long time that there was something innately wrong with me - I even went as far as finding a little comfort in thinking of myself as 'a special child' as my mother told me quite often and never questioned it because I knew the theory would fall apart. As I out-grow the phase of desperately wanting to be accepted in society, I slowly become more comfortable with my ways and spend more time doing things the way I prefer them. There's much room for improvement, however.

Turns out introverts are wired this way and if they don't spend enough time alone with their thoughts, they'll go nuts (and start blogs)!