Building bridges

Three days ago, I tagged along with a NGO specialising in Knowledge Management to support their team with field work. Four large projects aimed at environment conservation through the empowerment of local communities had come to an end. The team was here to wrap things up and assess the impact of the project in the communities that benefited from these projects. As the newest member in the team, I only witnessed the concluding phase of these projects.

Jaffna on the map. (Source: Google maps)

Jaffna is a city in the northernmost part of Sri Lanka belonging to the arid zone. While it faces drought for a major part of the year, I happened to arrive in Jaffna in the wet season in December when the rice paddy fields were lush and the entire penninsula was abundant with migratory birds. In other words, it was the best time to be in this city to witness nature at her finest performance.

Acres and acres of beautiful green rice paddy fields

A decade ago, it was impossible to even think of visiting the city of Jaffna because the country was torn apart by a racially and politically driven civil war that lasted nearly two and a half decades from 1983 to 2009. Looking back from this point in time, the war was a completely unnecessary event that caused more harm than achieve any useful outcome. Countless families on both sides of the cause (more on the minority side, of course) lost loved ones, the grief and psychological after-effects remain today, so much potential and good ambitions of a younger generation were crushed and the war affected areas fell backwards in terms of development. The worst consequence of the war was perhaps the increased feelings of hate, suspicion and racism between the two races that still linger in the minds of most.

I started writing part of this post in Jaffna a few hours before my departure from that city because I left with a slightly unsettled feeling and a lot of unanswered questions.

For the purposes of this post, I shall refer to two parties called the “majority race” (75% of the population of Sri Lanka) and the “minority race” (approximately 11%). I belong to the majority race.

When I visited Jaffna, a city dominated by the minority race, the people of the area who I associated with treated me with overwhelming respect and kindness. A few went out of their way to ensure our stay was very productive and comfortable. Sure, I was a part of a humanitarian mission to better the lives of the agriculturally oriented people there so they probably saw us coming with harmless intentions. And there may have been plenty of others in that city who did not like our presence. But seven years post-war, I still wonder what these people really think of us.

Do they hate all of us and blame us for the atrocities that occurred to their people? Do they still idolise the group which we call terrorists and they probably see as freedom fighters? Were there some of them who opposed the group we called terrorists but didn't openly admit it out of fear and reprisals? Do they still want to a clean split from this country to operate as an independent state? Do they still feel discriminated by systems set up by the central government for education, medical facilities, employment, etc? Do they still feel like outsiders in this country? As they slowly rebuild their lives and move out of smaller towns to the other parts of the country for better opportunities, do they find their views and opinions of us changing? As a city which was previously suppressed by war and now experiencing a boom of development, are they realising that education and rising above poverty will slowly give them leverage? Do some of them feel betrayed by the political groups that represented them and made them take up arms? Are they biding their time and waiting for the next opportunity to join another struggle to win independence? Are they willing to start another war if things are in their favour despite the recent developments in infrastructure and trade? Do they feel sympathy for the innocent lives lost from the majority race through brutal acts of terrorism by those who fought in their name? Do they realise they also have a part to play in healing the racial divide by reaching out to the majority race and not isolating themselves? Do they think that someday a peaceful and undivided Sri Lanka is a possibility?

The friends of the minority race there who helped us are nearly my age. We share the common experience of being born during the war, which consumed most of our childhood and early adulthood. While us in the majority race were spending normal and happy childhoods, these friends were affected by the war, each having some experience of fleeing from place to place as children, fearing for lives, hearing constant bombings and shelling, not having regular schooling, sharing one home with many relatives for safety or losing people close to them due to the atrocities of the war. Those thoughts pained me especially when these same friends who went through such adversities in their childhood not so long ago gave us the best hospitality they could afford. Even though I had nothing to do with starting that war, I felt an overwhelming feeling of (perhaps misplaced) guilt when I received kindness from some of these people.

Maybe someday I will have the courage to ask those friends for answers to my questions. And maybe there exists a small minority within their minority race who, like a minority of us in the majority race, are willing to start building the bridges from their end.

Gloom looms

So it has been about six months since I left my old life behind.

What felt like this seven months ago,

This image is not complete without a "heavenly sound effect" to go with it

Image Source: fineartamerica

... now feels a bit like this!

Image Source: Think Nice

Despite the hundreds of simulations I ran in my head before I left Singapore, there was no knowing what reality would be. So a few months into this new life, I'm beginning to see areas where I may have made a few errors in judgement. Of course, not all the consequences are bad, but here are those bad ones.


Returning to graduate school

This hasn't been easy. With prolonged disuse of the brain, it degenerates and a routine job without much mental challenge accelerates decay. So nine years after my last academic stint plus eight years of doing mostly non-stimulating work, I'm struggling to keep up in class, focus on studying, pass exams and even remember small things. With five days left to the start of my end-semester exams, I've had to dig deep inside myself to fight procrastination and find ways to motivate myself to do well.

That brings me to what happens if I don't do well. If I don't achieve the minimum GPA required to be allowed to do a thesis, all this sacrifice and risk would be in vain. I can't afford to take another leap of faith again so this is the last second-chance I have.

Choosing a thesis topic is like picking out one brand of detergent in a hypermart having a hundred brands of detergent on the shelves. There are too many possibilities and too many considerations. Producing a useful thesis is what will get me acceptance to the academic world, which in turn will buy me the ticket to enter a career in conservation. It's a difficult road filled with many obstacles and no promises of success.

After a finding a good supervisor, I must consider things like not picking an overly researched area even if it is a top choice, picking a topic that will leave me with career opportunities afterwards and one that will eventually contribute (even slightly) positively to Science (and not just be a stack of paper that will be food for termites on a dusty library shelf). This thesis is going to be like my signature dish and it's going to have to be good because it will impact everything that comes after graduating from this course.

Although I have a few ideas, I have not yet succeeded in narrowing down a thesis topic. A few have warned me that I should be nearly decided by now.


Lifestyle

I've had to make some serious downgrades in my lifestyle. What I used to earn in one day in my previous job, I now have to spread out over a month. Sure, the cost of living in Sri Lanka is a fraction of what it is in Singapore, but I've still had to cut down on social activities, visits to the salon, gifts, holidays, food treats, clothes, shoes, books, Netflix, movies at the cinema, gadgets, etc, to prolong my savings. Before I left my job, I stocked up on things from clothes, to girly accessories, to stationary, down to the level of sanitary napkins (Sheldon would agree with this!) and this has served me well so far.

Although, times like these make me realise that I didn't need even half the things I thought I needed when my income was higher. In fact, a simple life can be a source of contentment. And it also made me realise that ultimately, having adequate savings, being loan-free and creating a passive source of income should be primal goals for financial security once the 20's come to an end.

I'm slightly behind in achieving those goals now, because I made a sudden change of course in life. I hope it will be worth it.


Looking after pets

Looking after two dogs is more work than I imagined. We had to get a second dog to keep company for the first one, so it was mostly a dog welfare issue. This is the first time we've had two full time dogs (most others were strays that came for food and left). It's like looking after two children. They fall sick, they need lots of attention, they have moods, they are greedy, you have to remember to bring treats for them when you go to town because they expect it, they are stubborn, they pee and poop in the house sometimes and they often stress you out.

If I closed my eyes to have a moment of calmness, I'm very likely to hear two dogs barking incessantly at some innocent passer-by, followed by a family member threatening the dogs to shut up. Or if I try to take a solitary walk in the woods around the house to look for various creatures to capture on camera, I am accompanied by two dogs and sometimes a cat in what they think as a noble duty. Only, they also chase away any sign of life. Sometimes, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning in hopes of starting a productive day of studying, only to be met with a steaming pile of dog poop to be cleaned.

Recently, Nicky (the faulty dog) fell critically ill with an advanced stage of tick fever. We thought he may not make it. After several visits to the hospital, lots of medications and critical care at home (force-feeding, keeping him warm, etc), he got better.

Lea was spayed recently. In the morning after her operation, the surgical cut had opened up and fleshy bits from the insides were hanging out. In a panic, we rushed her to a nearby vet. It was the most dingy and unhygienic clinic I have ever been to and the vet used bare fingers and unsterilised instruments to push the fleshy bits in and sew her up. We decided never to visit that vet again and we also feared she might die of sepsis. A few hours later, it too started to open up and more fleshy bits came out. She was rushed to the emergency ward that night, where they removed all her old stitches and put a new set. The poor girl went through a lot of trauma that day.

Out cat, Malky, got a fungal infection around the same time too. We took her to the vet twice, but because of the unpleasantness of having a tablet forced into her throat, she refused to come home. Her constant itching with sharp nails worsened it to bloody wounds. She was in a lot of distress. In order to take her to the vet, she was forcefully captured not once by thrice because she managed to escape twice (she's a superb escape artist). The vet said she has mange and gave her three painful injections which seems to have improved her condition.

These are the kind of responsibilities to consider when having pets (and children) and one must think very, very hard before making a commitment to have one.


Family life

A couple of days after I returned home, I was treated like royalty. This has always been the case when I came down for holidays. Tea was served to the bedside, I wasn't asked to do chores, my favourite types of food were all prepared for my delight and I was always chauffeured when going out of the house.

I even overheard my mother telling a couple of her friends over the phone, "The house feels full now and having her back has brightened the house and our lives."

Fast forward to six months later, things have changed. I get called out a lot for my forgetfulness (to close sugar jars, fold bed sheets, etc), I have to do chores the moment I am instructed, I have to help with making family decisions like what to eat for the next meal and I have to make efforts to socialise with neighbours and friends of the family.

Now my mother often questions her upbringing skills saying, "I can't believe you are a child of mine, how in the world have you learnt to live like [a pig, a gypsy, a brainless person, etc]?!".

My transition from a carefree "bachelor" life to being part of a chaotic family has not been easy. When living alone, my emotional state was pretty much a stable horizontal line. Now when living with family, it's a constantly fluctuating line with many spikes.

Gone are those days when I closed my eyes, I felt nothing but a sweeping calm of silence. Gone are also the days when I could have done virtually ANYTHING and walked out unnoticed, free of judgement and free of unsolicited advice.

The Treasure Hunt

Not too long ago, one of my BFFs got married. Although it was customary for her closest friends to throw her a bachelorette party before the wedding, none of us (in this case, "us" refers to four) were living in Sri Lanka where the wedding was to take place. So with very limited options, the four of us (scattered in Canada, UK, Jersey and Singapore) thought hard on how to give our beloved friend - a simple, non-materialistic, family-loving, determined, serious-about-life yet sentimental girl - a memorable experience before she tied the knot.

With three weeks to go before the wedding, on 20th April 2016, a Whatsapp group was created and we immediately got to work. There was unanimous agreement for a treasure hunt. We also decided that due to the Bride's busy schedule and the significant amount of stress she was undergoing, the clues would be very easy to solve.

The following persons were the key players of the treasure hunt:

- The Bride (our beloved friend and recipient of the "Treasure")

- The Groom (who none of us had met at the time of organising the treasure hunt)
- Bride's father and mother (who lived with the Bride in Sri Lanka)
- Bride's brother and his wife (who were to fly to Sri Lanka a few days before the wedding)

- Shuri's sister's mother-in-law (who helped to compile the various gifts in Sri Lanka and execute the most nerve-racking finale of the treasure hunt)

- Organiser #1 - A Social Worker and part-time Master's student
- Organiser #2 - A recently married Doctor
- Organiser #3 - A Scientist doing serious work in the Pharmacology industry
- Shuri a.k.a. Organiser #4 - who was at the time plotting escape from an unsatisfactory job


An elaborate plan was drawn and item owners were assigned to various activities. It occurred to us that the plan, if executed well, would be epic. However, there were many things that could go wrong in this ambitious 10-step plan which we were trying to execute remotely and accurately with the help of people who had no idea about the treasure hunt yet and relying on timely online deliveries and postal packages. Each step was interlinked to another like the links in a chain and if one step failed, it would, in the worse case scenario, break the sequence, and if we didn't manage to get the timeline right, the Bride would not solve the clues in time to receive the treasure before her honeymoon! In which case, it would be an embarrassing fail, where the Bride would console us saying "That's ok, it was a nice try, guys. I love you and thank you for trying." and we'd have to inform our participants in the latter part of the hunt to "Abort the mission and just pass her the gift!"

The Master Plan

The treasure consisted of a wedding card, a Victoria's Secret travel pouch with an array of must-have items for an amazing honeymoon and married life afterwards, lingerie, a scrapbook filled with nostalgic memories, a mug with a hypothetical wedding photograph of us, and a Kama Sutra manual (because we believe that education is important). It helped to have the valuable input of Organiser #2, who also got married recently, to guide us with practical presents, while not getting too carried away with our imagination. It also helped that Organiser #1 was familiar with human psychology so we were able to sort of "customise" the treasure.

  

Contents which were placed inside are not shown here out of fear that my blog might be reported

 The wedding card with much love and advice from all four of us, compiled in one by Organiser #2

We tried to have a holistic coverage for the treasure chest

This was the closest to a perfect wedding photo we could have. Before this mug, we didn't know that Organiser #1 had good photo manipulation skills

The scrapbook was our favourite out of the lot and probably the Bride's too. It was also the one gift that we were most worried will not arrive in Sri Lanka in time for the grand finale of the treasure hunt! Thanks to having a very artsy member, Organiser #3, the scrap book turned out to have many beautifully hand painted pages with colourful additions, stories and photos of the Bride's childhood, family, her awesome friends (i.e. us), specific memories from our past and some extra blank pages. The Bride later told us she was looking forward to filling in the blank pages in the scrapbook.

Raw materials for a colourful project!

Memories of golden friendships 

 Besties for life

A page to remember the good heart and kind deeds of the Bride 

Memories of our days in school

Memories of her family

With the contents of the treasure chest more or less ready, it was time to plant the clues! Thankfully, I had to make a trip to Sri Lanka on 30th April for two days to sit for a university aptitude test and give my measurements for the bridesmaid's attire. This gave me the chance to meet her parents and the Groom for the first time. I also managed to plant our clues in the Bride's bedroom and secretly handed over two more clues to her mother and father (who were very excited and cooperative) after receiving a secretive briefing of the plan. All this happened while the Bride was very nearby and blissfully unaware of what was going on. 

We also sent out a help request to her brother

I met the Groom for the first time while accompanying them on some of their wedding errands, a few hours before my flight back to Singapore. This was the only time we could all hang out, given our tight schedules. I was introduced to the Groom in the car as they headed to the wedding hall to finalise the wedding decorations and menus. It was quite a challenge to find a moment alone with the Groom (while the Bride was hovering closeby), brief him quickly on our plan (who knows how he would have reacted!) and ask for a favour too (if he said no, it was too late to change our sequence now!), considering I met him in person for the first time just a couple of hours back! I couldn't let the team down, so the mission was somehow accomplished. 

He looked terrified when I told him I wanted a BIG favour when I had a private moment with him! But he turned out to be a cool guy who agreed to support the plan

Now that the clues were planted in place, it was time to officially start the Treasure Hunt! So here was the plan, simple yet complex:

Suspicious email to bride >> Leads to Groom >> Leads to Organiser #1 >> Leads to the Bride's mother >> Leads to Organiser #4 >> Leads to delivery of flowers + a clue in a bottle >> Leads to Organiser #3 >> Leads to the Bride's father >> Leads to Organiser #2 >> Leads to the Bride's brother >> Leads to the Treasure!

This was the most exciting part of the game. Mostly because we were able to confuse the hell out of the Bride and have a good laugh behind her back while she kept guessing. At times she got overly excited and solved clues faster than we anticipated (potentially jeopardising the plan) so we had to deliberately throw her off the scent until it fit with our timeline. And sometimes, certain clues were harder to solve or she was tied up with last-minute wedding arrangements so we had to be patient and figure out how to help her catch up with lost time.

One day, the Bride found a suspicious email in her inbox.

The suspicious email

 We only gave her the correct instructions after we gave her a hard time and laughed to ourselves about it. I mean, why not make use of the opportunity, right?

The game started with a few glitches, but eventually, we directed her to the Groom and the game resumed

The Groom's clue eventually led her to Organizer #1

 The clue from Organiser#1 led the Bride to her mother

 ...who then handed her another clue which was wrapped inside a pack of pot pourri...

 ... which was supposed to be a photo of Organiser#4 's (i.e. my) smile

But owing to a bad quality printout from a printer missing a few colours, the Bride received a confusing photograph, which went in our favour of stalling for time

Little did she know that about a week ago, l hastily tossed a clue behind a row of books in her room while pretending to listen to her about something she was saying

So many questions from the Bride, which can only signal impatience to get to the treasure 

Organiser #4 (that's me) got carried away and gave a clue with two parts; one a photo submission and the other was a (admittedly difficult) clue translated to Tolkein's Hobbit runes

We passed her based on a good effort posing as a hamster

Ideally, the runes translated as follows, indicating that the Bride will receive a message in a bottle soon. On hindsight, my choice of words to describe the bottle was not that great. Even though she couldn't figure it out, it didn't spell disaster since the clue was already on the way to her.

"Not too long from now, a surprise will find its way to you

A neck it has but no head and wears a cap

In it you will find love from lands far away

And a trail to your next clue"

The idea of a bottled message intrigued us.

Source: Getty Images

The clue in the bottle led her to Organiser #3

 Then, Organiser #3 gave her this awesome clue:

"In a galaxy far, far away was a boy who trained to be a Jedi...

He knew not, the truth about his past, his roots...

The next clue is the truth he uncovers when the Empire Strikes Back"

The Bride cracked this one very quickly and ran to her father for the next clue. At this point she was too enthusiastic and too fast for our likes.

 Source: http://onreallife.wordpress.com

The next clue from her father led her to Organiser #2.  She used to have a crush on Guybrush Threepwood from the game called Monkey Island so we had to put a picture of him

 Correctly guessed, and at this stage of the game, the Bride was on a roll!

The clue from Organiser #2 led her to her brother, who we figured was the best person to hand her the map

Meanwhile, Shuri's sister's mother in law helped to collect all the bits and pieces that reached her from various countries at various times and helped us to assemble the Treasure Chest. She also arranged for it to be secretly delivered to the Bride's house. While we were successful in coordinating a time to have the package delivered when the Bride was not at home, it was unfortunately the Bride who had to answer a call from the deliveryman to give him instructions to her house! By this time though, she had a good idea of what was going on and she was eager to get to her treasure, so it was alright.

When she got home, the parcel was hidden away by her brother who was the last clue holder in the game

"The lone oak swaying in the wind no more, Once held the chirping bird, Now holds the constant chirp"

The brother came up with a brilliant riddle for her to find a secret map hidden in their telephone stand! It must be some brother-sister mental connection because the Bride figured it out.

And he completely blew us away with a detailed map leading her to the treasure

Mission accomplished! It was a happy ending for us all. Also, we refused to take any responsibility for the embarrassment that was caused if she had to show the treasure chest contents to the family

Luckily for the Bride, 95% of the treasure hunt went according to the original plan, no steps were interrupted and she received her treasure on the day before her wedding day! Whew.

The Bride was completely stumped by how we pulled it off while involving her now-husband everyone in her family. To be honest, they were incredibly supportive and more enthusiastic than we anticipated. Without their help, none of it was possible. The Bride was a great sport even though she was under the intense stress of wedding planning while tending to a million last minute things. Later she told us that the joy of playing along in the treasure hunt helped her cope on the days leading to the wedding.

Many nails were bitten and anti-acid tablets were ingested by the organisers to make sure everything went like clockwork. Also, we enjoyed a lot of heart-warming moments when the Bride kept us all in the loop on how she was progressing with the game and what it all made her feel. We felt a renewed sense of closeness during this special period in her life, despite not being able to help her with any wedding planning as we wished or in the case of some, not being able to attend the wedding.

Those few days gave us a lot to look forward to as we went on about our routine, weary lives. And little did the four of us know that this treasure hunt will set the bar so high and no treasure hunt we ever organise again will ever be this good. And that's a lot of pressure considering there are three more potential bachelorette parties left to go in this group of friends.

As Aristotle once rightly said, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."

Best wishes to the married couple for a loving life together, to bring out the best in each other and to be there for each other through thick and thin.

The faulty dog

My family had a "No Pet Dogs" policy for a very long time. It is mostly because unlike cats, they are overly dependent on owners for food and attention and that makes it hard to leave them home alone. Cats, on the other hand, are more independent and are able to hunt for their own food when other sources of food are not available.

Despite objections from the family, my foster brother was very determined to have a dachshund. We were concerned that it was another phase, much like his past interests in rearing fish and growing a ponytail. My mother has a weakness for dachshunds since she had several of them growing up and he was able to exploit this loophole to his advantage. We also suspect that he had entrepreneurial motives on being a dog breeder after he met his friend from whom he bought a puppy for a price of USD 40. This idea, however, didn't catch on since our family strongly opposed the idea of breeding animals for cash. 

Personally, I dislike commercial dog breeders. I'm not sure if there are professionals who do the job humanely out of concern for the mother dog and puppies, but most small-scale breeders are after a quick buck. Driven by profit, they put the welfare of the animal on lower priority. For example, Nicky's mother is made to mate regularly and produce litter after litter of puppies which are then sold to people who like pedigree dogs. It is sad that a puppy bred for sale only gets to spend a few weeks with the mother, when she may also miss nursing and caring for her litter. Also, it is hard to guarantee to what kind of homes the puppies go to. Perhaps, they stand a good chance of getting good care owing to their "pedigree" status since people tend to take better care of valuable things for which they paid a price. Or they might end up in a home where the owners realised that the dream of owning a pedigree dog was a passing fancy and that it is a big and expensive responsibility. Or the puppies might once again be used to continue the cycle of commercial breeding. If the puppies are fortunate, they will end up in a loving home where they will spend a good dog life till eventual death.

In December 2015, Nicky joined our family as a six week old puppy. Soon, he became the center of everyone's attention and brought much joy and endless entertainment to my parents and brother. While living in Singapore, I received regular updates of Nicky and pictures of how my father cuddled and showered Nicky with attention - that even my sister and I didn't get as children!

Baby Nicky

    

Bath time - dunked in a bucket of water and dried with a hair dryer!

A literary critic and humorous journalist H. L. Mencken described dachshunds as "half a dog high and a dog and a half long." Nicky, true to his breed's personality, grew up to be comical, sociable, playful, hyperactive and too stubborn to be disciplined.

He has soulful eyes and regular mood swings, specially when he gets wind of us planning to leave the house. He hunts animals like spiders, cockroaches, frogs and mosquitoes for the thrill. He is a terrible guard dog. Even though he barks very loudly for his size (we learned later that it was because this breed has a large chest cavity), he would welcome any burglar to the house or would gladly get into a stranger's vehicle. And due to his friendly nature, he was popular with all the animal-loving guests who stayed at our bed & breakfast inn.

Grown up Nicky at 10.5 months

As he continued to grow, we realised that my brother may have accidentally purchased a faulty dog. He does insane things that no dog we knew ever did. He was hyperactive all the time (except when sleeping), he greets favourite people with so much joy and sprinkles of pee, he loves to eat catnip, he would bark at all the clocks in the house, his sex drive was at 100 percent a 100 percent of the time, he mistook our old cat for a mate and tried to hump her too, he started humping legs of unsuspecting guests, he started roaming around our neighbourhood chasing away male dogs and looking for females, he started eating the carpets at home and swallowed chunks of carpet fabric, he would jump into tyres of incoming vehicles, he would litter the house with soil and partially decomposed material (like rotten remains of frogs) brought from outdoors, and the list goes on.

This is how Nicky sleeps

With all that energy, it occurred to us that perhaps he would do well with a companion. Although he is a playful dog, he never had dog friends before. All the stray dogs in our lane treat him like an outcast, probably because they were not sure what this tiny, horny and loud dog-like creature was. The cats were the only animal company he had, but they didn't have enough energy to keep up with him. One moment he was loving and still, but the next moment he would play rough, slobber them with saliva and bark at them. The only issue was that we did not want to adopt more than two dogs at a time (considering food and medical costs) and that meant Nicky could not be allowed to breed. 

Castrating a healthy pet in our culture is not a black/white matter. People are more forgiving if it is a female dog because these same people think it is a burden for a female to be impregnated against her will by a male dog and that they are doing her a favour. Those who believe in karma thinks it is a sin to castrate an animal and in future births, those who back it may be born infertile (or something to that effect). One person told my mother that he knew of a dog that died a mysterious death after being castrated. Others took a more ethical point of view and suggested it is equivalent to taking away a basic right of an animal and goes against natural behaviour (which I also agreed with). Who knows how its psychology, behaviour and general health will be affected when a dominant hormone is no longer present in his body. 

Nicky's regular veterinarian asked us to allow him to mate at least once before castrating him and joked that he can help find him a mate. He didn't explain the reasoning behind it so I can't tell if it is because he thought it was best for the animal's welfare, or that it was a waste to operate on a pedigree dog with money-making potential, or because he felt that letting it sire puppies once will reduce karmic effects of castration.

Another friend/veterinarian in Singapore advised that it was best to castrate him as early as possible (preferably before 12 months of age) after he starts showing signs of sexual behaviour because otherwise, with constant practice, humping quickly becomes a learned behaviour. She also said castration has other health benefits to the dog like reducing the risk of testicular tumours, transmissible venereal tumours, hernias and prostatic diseases. She also suggested contraceptive implants as an alternative to castration, but these are very costly and requires replacement every 6 - 12 months. She also added that even if we manage to rehome all of Nicky's future offspring, that is potentially a lost opportunity for a stray or a shelter dog that could have a home. Two other dog-lovers with many years of dog rearing (and rescue) experience voted for castration.

The family was divided on opinions. However, after much debating, asking around for advice and receiving conflicting views, we made the difficult decision to castrate Nicky and get him a companion afterwards.

About three weeks ago, we visited two dog shelters (Tikiri Trust and SOFA) to find a suitable companion for Nicky. The first shelter didn't have any young female dogs for adoption because we were told that it will be easier for Nicky (who's never had dog company before) to bond with a younger one. At the second shelter, we were quizzed thoroughly to assess pet ownership potential and asked several times if we were ready to commit to looking after another pet for another 13 - 15 years. We explained that we were there that day only to look at a companion for our dog, but we would finalise the adoption only two weeks after that. And that would also give us more time to rule out any impulsive decisions. After she was convinced, she said there was one female puppy about four and a half months of age and brought it out for us to see.

It was a done deal the moment we saw Lea! It was hard to think clearly when there was a puppy in front of us and we (irrationally) thought it would be good if Nicky had a sister who looked like him. On second thoughts, I don't think Nicky has any idea of what he looks like. True to our word, two weeks later, we picked up (a taller) Lea from the shelter on the way back from having Nicky castrated. It was a bitter-sweet day for all of us. 

Meet Lea - now 5 months old and way taller than Nicky!

Lea, thankfully, was not a faulty dog. She is shy and gentle in nature. She's only fierce when eating and protecting her plate of food. She likes to be carried and is very curious to explore her surroundings. 

Nicky was a bit unwelcome on the first day, but Lea being a shelter dog with experience sharing space with a hundred other dogs, was patient with him. Since then he has grown very fond of her. He experienced the joy of playing and wrestling with another dog for the first time and loved it. He takes her around our garden and the neighbour's garden to show her his favourite hangouts. His appetite has improved since he imitates her (good) eating behaviour. Previously a fussy eater, Nicky now eats his food faster and indiscriminately knowing that his adopted sister will take it from him otherwise. Nicky is also learning slowly to share toys and his love and attention from us. He's stopped roaming in the neighbourhood and marking territory with pee a hundred times a day, which might be the effect of castration. He still tries to mount her sometimes though that might be a sign of affection or just conditioned behaviour. On the downside, he's become a bit swollen headed after getting a sister and now barks at our two cats and chases them away (even animals have an "us versus them" mentality!). Lea also follows suit. 

Going crazy during play time

Nap time

 Kitty, who's been with our family for 8-9 years, eyes the energetic youngsters with mild annoyance

For now, everyone (except our two cats) is happy.