New arrivals

I was quite inspired by Serena Dyer's article on "What I Know Now at 29", mostly because it was very relatable. With age, experience and knowing oneself better comes many realisations about Life. It may not be the ultimate wisdom, but there's a sense of confidence in knowing that whatever happens, it's going to be okay.

"I know now, as I enter my 29th turn around the sun, my final year in the decade of my 20s, that who I am is someone I love, and there is no shame or fear in admitting that."

Her analogy of the Sun jumped right out of the screen and brought to mind a carefree Shu with a blue backpack ready to start her own 29th orbit around our glorious Sun.

Kind of like this image from E.T.

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The office transport bus that I take is driven by an old uncle. He's a little older than my father and we've become good friends since I'm usually the only one to take the bus in the evenings. We mostly talk about politics, rising costs of living, my food options, his family, traffic, weather, jobs and retirement. For most elderly persons living in Singapore, the bliss of retirement is not what the average elderly person in other countries may experience. Instead of gardening and relaxing on the porch with a newspaper each morning, they often work in canteens cleaning up after others or baby sit their grandchildren full time or like this uncle, work normal working hours for 6 days a week. On the other hand, these people also appear more independent and resilient both mentally and physically compared to elders back home. And this uncle in particular is still with a positive work attitude and speaks of his wife very fondly.

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Oh. I nearly forgot to introduce these new faces! They grow up so fast.

 

Before...

And after...

And now, at 2 months old! My parents have taken up their grandparent duties very seriously and tell me these kittens act more like hyperactive monkeys. 

I look forward to meeting the whole bunch next month.

War and Peace

Imagine

By John Lennon

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world

You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

My country may be well on the brink of another civil war. I hope I am very wrong about this one.

About 30 years ago, a civil war started between the Sinhalese (which makes up about 75% of the population) and the Tamils (which makes up about 11%) - it was a conflict between racial labels and it took 26 years to end. We gained nothing from it except for loss of trust, loss of lives and several decades of hindered economic progress.

In the recent times, incidents of violence are being reported between the Buddhists (which makes up about 70%) and the Muslims (which makes up about 10%) - this is a conflict between religious labels and at this point in time, it is too early to tell how it will end.

In both the cases above, the urge to start a war or incite violence was not something everyone under those particular races or religions wanted. It was the intention of some of them. But like a fire that is easy to spark with the right conditions, there are plenty of cinders lying around waiting to be sparked by deranged leaders of groups like the LTTE or more recently, the Bodu Bala Sena.

Are these just extremists fighting under the guise of race and religion to garner support of followers? Or does the very nature of religion and race serve to divide people and do us more harm than good?

The way I comprehend it, at the core of all ethnic tensions in Sri Lanka is a deep sense of insecurity on part of the Sinhalese Buddhist majority (to which I belong by circumstance of birth) over losing their identity and heritage to growing numbers of other racial and religious minorities. Although a tiny island on the Indian Ocean, Sri Lanka has a rich and colourful history spanning several millenia. Its present identity is mostly a bittersweet result of historical kingdoms, religious influences, foreign invasions, war, literature, arts, crafts. etc. After the introduction of Buddhism in the 3rd century BC, it remains the predominant religion of the Sinhalese people who are considered the natives.

Growing up in Sri Lanka, I was instilled with ideas of patriotism and religion from my surroundings, despite attending a private school where we were taught no lessons on the history of Sri Lanka or religion.

In the racial sense, I was made to feel proud to be part of the dominant race and the brave ancestors from whom I descended. I even picked up the notion that the only country our race had was this tiny island of Sri Lanka and that it rightfully belonged to us and that all the rich history and culture it embodied would die with the death of it and therefore we had to protect it. I recall having petty fights with my friends (of another race) when we were children where I've insensitively asked them to go back to India if they were not happy to support the Sri Lankan cricket team! We laugh about it now, but unknown to me back then, these type of ideals probably made many citizens of other minorities feel unwelcome and identity-less despite being Sri Lankans for many generations.

It's only now that I have about 10 years between me and the period that I left Sri Lanka, do I fully realise that we are perhaps still living in the glory of a long-gone past and these romantic notions (which are not uncommon in most countries with ethnic struggles) are not practical or beneficial to the progress of a nation that is having a growing population of other races and religions. My shift in perspective is no doubt a result of living as minority in Singapore and Dubai for the last 10 years among people of various races and religions and understanding the value of an inclusive society.

In the religious sense, I was brought up with Buddhist values. Buddhism in its nature is a non-violent and tolerant religion (or philosophy, rather) that does not support egotistical attitudes or actions that cause any suffering to others. It encourages its followers to critically examine all views and beliefs thrown at them, including its own teachings. It preaches respect and harmony towards all religions and beings, which ironically, the radical Buddhist groups creating chaos on the island have conveniently forgotten. These groups thrive by manipulating the minds of their followers with a fear that many Indian and East Asian religions share - what becomes of their right to practice their religion freely if the country was swept over by a majority of any one of the Abrahamic religions that have little or no tolerance for other religious views? Would these rulers allow the same freedom and show the same respect to non-believers to build their respective places of worship, teach their children religion and practice peacefully?

Insecurities aside, no citizen of Sri Lanka deserves to be ostracized or discriminated based on whatever labels they carry on their birth certificates or live in constant the fear of having their livelihood destroyed or being physically hurt by extremists.

A great infographic on various world religions (best viewed in a larger size: click here)

Empires and civilizations rise and fall. Change is inevitable. Sri Lanka belongs equally to all its citizens, regardless of their racial/ religious labels and regardless of the country's history. The history of modern Sri Lanka needs to be re-written with a voice where all its citizens feel safe, welcome and wanted. No race or religion should be given preferential treatment over others so that we do not end up with the tensions that exist today. For now though, that day is very far away.

Dragons and Adopted Families

Last week was a very socially active one with farewells and celebratory treats and get-togethers. I even squeezed in How to Train Your Dragon 2, but more on that later. Normally, I would shy away from the thought of social gatherings because they are physically (and sometimes mentally) draining, but at my age I have become bold enough to say "No" to gatherings I really do not like and only accept invitations to ones I like. I consider the gatherings with people I like to be worth the after-effects of socialising which include lacking sleep, energy and focus the next day.

Starting with home cooked Sri Lankan food last Sunday, my insides also went on a gastronomic tour around the world experiencing Vietnamese, Chinese, Indian, Italian, Thai and Moroccan cuisine one day after another. I have new-found admiration for Vietnamese food after discovering their vegetarian options. After last week's over-indulgence, I am determined to eat nuts, berries and tree bark for the rest of the month.

Last Thursday, I was late to work (socializing from the night before) and had to work late to finish the backlog. Earlier, when I had checked the times for the MUCH anticipated dragon movie, there was only one cinema quite far away from my place that was showing a 3D version of the movie so I gave up on the idea of watching it on release day because for me it was either 3D or no movie at all. But in a twist of fate around 7:00pm, another colleague who worked late offered a lift to the very same city showing the 3D movie. I jumped on the offer and caught the 9:30pm movie on my own and got home a few minutes after midnight!

Waiting at the bus stop to catch a bus home around 11:30pm when most of the people were safety tucked in their beds. Thankfully, a female can travel alone at that time of the day in Singapore and not worry much about it. 

I suspect I'm too biased about the movie franchise to give an objective review (after all, I waited only FOUR long years for the second movie), but I LOVED EVERY BIT OF IT!!! I was grinning and laughing for most of it and was left desperately wanting to have a dragon-friend like Toothless. Ahh IF only...

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Lunch hour with my three colleagues at work is the highlight of my work day. It sort of reminds me of the social circles I had in Dubai which I miss very much. Sometimes, a mix of different people from different corners of the globe come together so randomly and a perfect recipe is born and like good wine, it ripens with time. Even the colleague who I used as the prime example of extroverts in my research study has grown on me and I've come to realise she's a gem in a sea of ordinary humans. Maybe it's knowing that as projects come and go, this little group will cease to exist in a few months but for now, everyone in it is happy to give and take. 

In this group of four, there's the extroverted story-telling mother goose who's very loving, clever and funny. Then there's the caring, religious, health-conscious elder sister who baffles us with her mysterious mood swings. Also there's the wise, smart, thoughtful workoholic younger brother who's a bit of a mischievous bully sometimes and there's me - the somewhat quiet observer who enjoys watching the group dynamics with much amusement. Sure, we all have our imperfections but we seemed to have been able to leave them behind with all the other differences and meet at a place that we are all happy and comfortable.

What everyone in this group has in common are humble beginnings and a deep attachment to their families, perhaps more so than the average person I'd meet in Singapore. Coming from remote towns and villages in Third World countries, growing up with little, having to take care of their families, putting up with inconveniences and working extra hard at times in life are some of the things that's shaped everyone in this gang in one way or another. And because of this, being in much better circumstances in life now has not changed the 'generous and grounded factor' that lies in all of them. Being in their company, I am constantly reminded to be humble, positive and less selfish. For this, I've come to admire them very much. 

The topics we share at lunch are mostly the reflective and enriching types - travel, family, food, jokes, movies, psychology, history, economics, politics, science - and not the superficial types about other people's personal lives that would easily drive me to boredom. The more life stories I hear from these interesting people, the more pieces I get to weave a bigger mental fabric about each of individuals. I think the study of people and why they act the way they do fascinates me.

In more food news, I finally discovered the Sri Lankan food stall situated at Tekka Market in Little India. The food there was pretty decent and it was good to get a familiar taste of home. 

Raja Bojun (loosely translated as "food fit for Royalty") at Little India

To believe or Not to believe

"What you believe is not the problem. 

What you believe I should believe is the problem."

The other day after the end of a grueling exam for auditors, Shu happily jumped in a bus to get to the interchange to catch another bus heading to Malaysia. In Asia, under normal circumstances, hardly anyone makes conversations with another stranger. It's not that they mean ill, but people on this side of the continent tend to be cautious and being cautious. Of course it's a gross generalisation. If anyone else makes the first attempt at socialising, a lot of these folks will be more happy to open up and become chatty.

As I sat in the bus, I spoke to my both my parents over the phone and whined about how hard the exam was (both in English and Sinhalese). After I hung up, the girl next to me initiated a conversation which went something like this:

Girl: Are you from the Philippines?
Shu: [a bit surprised given that Shu looks nothing like the fair people of Philippines] Um no. I'm from Sri Lanka.
Girl: You speak good English and that other language you spoke sounds like Tagalog. What is that language?
Shu: [beginning to get a bit suspicious] It's called Sinhalese. Are you from Singapore?
Girl: No, I'm from Malaysia.

In the minutes that passed, more information was shared. Then the conversation took a different turn.

Girl: Have you read this religious text before?
Shu: Um... bit and pieces.
Girl: Do you find the English in it hard to understand?
Shu: No.

As with credit card promoters and other persistent salesmen, at this point I would get a bit uncomfortable and try to move away from the situation or worse, get angry if they persist. But on this day, after many days of studying and learning that auditors must always be open minded diplomatic, perceptive, etc, I didn't have the urge to react (it is quite possible I was too drained from the exam). We chatted a bit on what we did and where we lived (unknown to her, I made every effort to steer the conversation from religion to more general topics) and she ended up being helpful in telling me how to get to the bus interchange which was a new area for me!

I've learnt that where I can't change them to think like me, I simply have to change the way I accept their advances:

1. People have various causes, beliefs and opinions, often different to mine. It doesn't matter if these views (in my standards) are good or bad or inbetween - people identify strongly with what drives them internally/ spiritually/ emotionally. Take me and being vegetarian, for example.

2. They may even attempt to convince me to adopt the same views while thinking they are doing the right thing or what's good for me. I think it's okay for people to approach someone to find out if they are interested - how else will there be sales or perpetuation of beliefs and causes? E.g. Have you heard of the benefits of being vegetarian? What's not okay is to keep persisting when the other person is clearly not interested in buying. E.g. You know, you are probably going to die of a horrible illness if you don't seriously consider turning vegetarian.

3. There's no point getting angry and emotional when someone expresses an opinion different to mine. Let them say what they want to say and whether I accept what they say ultimately lies in my control. Also, it lies in my advantage to be calm and emotionally unaffected. Sure, some of them make it their life's mission to change you and need to be dealt with differently E.g. Why won't you have meat? Here, just try this little piece I put on your plate. C'mon, you'll like it. But many others are sensible enough to realise when to stop pursuing it. And you'll probably meet a few who are respectful of your beliefs and never try to challenge it with theirs.

Then it was time to part our ways.

Girl: Do you have a pen so I can write down my email address for you to write to me if you have any questions about my religion?
Shu: Sorry, No.

The little things that matter

In the past few weeks, I've lost my inner voice, I've lost the joy in doing most of the things I usually enjoy doing, I've not been the best kind of friend or family member I could be, I haven't been the diligent employee I could be, I've failed as this year's leader of the zoo volunteer group, I've failed as an aspiring speaker, I've been losing bits of my self worth and I've been reduced to thinking that it' okay to trade it off for overpriced items. 

But,  no phase - good or bad - lasts forever. Today feels like a day that I managed to scramble out of a soup bowl of emotional turmoil. As I sit here on the brim of this bowl, I can see a little further than what I was seeing in the gloomy weeks that passed. I'm going to enjoy the view while the skies are clear and what better way to do it than with a blog post!

One of my childhood friends shared this photo today and reminded me that she missed the good old days of our rather extraordinary childhood. It warmed me very much. 

Sometimes we become too occupied with ourselves and others that the little things that really matter pass under our noses for granted.

Last weekend I visited a dear friend of mine in Malaysia who used to work with me in Dubai. She drove out alone to pick me from an abandoned bus stop at 1:30am in the morning and gave the best hospitality I can imagine. Today my mother out of her own accord took the pains to walk around in town and find me a beautiful traditional dress for an upcoming cultural event. And as I stayed late at work today, I was touched by the caring gestures of my group of hang-out colleagues who I've grown quite fond of. Not only that, today I had a lovely postcard from Katy Kat all the way from Tokyo!!

On a separate note, my mother has discovered the joys of making very affordable international calls with Viber so I get to hear from her more often! It's good to see them getting tech-savvy.

In other news, I caught the movie Maleficient. It reminded me of the book on Sleeping Beauty I used to own and glance through a lot in my younger days. I liked the fact that they portrayed Maleficient as an ordinary human being capable of both good and bad. No one is entirely bad or entirely good and the boundaries that angels and demons within us share are often blurred by the circumstances that life throws at us.

Signing out from the soup bowl,
Shu

PS: If I ever compare you to the likes of an animal, don't take offense because it really is a compliment coming from me.