My Bumblebee

Transformers 3 was a hit! WOW... is all I can say to the crew who put that movie together.

With effect immediately, Chariotte has been been rechristened to Bumblebee!

Some days ago, my 3.5 year old nephew nearly gave me a heart attack. He calls me "Ammil". I was keeping an eye on him, while working on my laptop, when he edged closer and asked very gently,

"Ammil, you're a boy, Ammil?"

Shuri: [shock and horror] Noooooo! Ammil is a girl.

Nephew: Okay.

(five minutes later)

Shuri: Is Ammil a girl or a boy?

Nephew: A girl.

Shuri: That's right!

(Another 5 minutes pass by)

Shuri: Do you know if Ammil is a girl or a boy?

Nephew: Ammil is a girl.

Shuri: Yes! What a clever boy!!

The Sidewalk

Where was closure when I needed it?

I keep looking back, while holding on to a distorted memory of what once was. One where the good times seem more prominent than the bad times, when I know that's not right. I keep going back to those days, those very dark days. I have a million memories tied to you. Ever so often, something I see or hear triggers a connection to you and that past we shared. I wonder what you've become. I wonder if you are still picking up pieces, just like I am. Maybe you've moved on, like I have. Perhaps you are happier now, as am I. I try to forgive myself, hope you do too. I hope you've realised that things turned out for the best.

My nuts

Some days are so exceptionally perfect. Let's see what factors kept Shu high on life today :)

1. Someone messaged from back home to say a plant I gave them long back had its first little guava fruit!
2. Received two compliments in recognition and appreciation at work
3. Listened to a troubled colleague ramble about a personal issue, she actually thanked me for listening later
4. Prioritising and helping out a colleague on a shared project within 15 mins of request, during very busy hours
5. Was warmed to see a friend happy with potential blackmail material I sent, along with a much-loved book
6. Apologised for being petty to the sister on a row we had earlier today
7. Spoke with the mother and spent some quality "dad-son" time with the dad
8. Emailed two long lost acquaintances just to say hi, and they will be pleasantly surprised tomorrow
9. Shared food at work, actually I keep nuts (to increase my protein intake) on my table and people are drawn to it like chipmunks!

Sucker.

I also got a crash course on basic vehicle maintenance best practices from my dad. I re-learnt how check tyre pressure and inspect brake oil, power steering oil, engine oil and radiator water levels. Apparently, good drivers are supposed to do regular checks, as opposed to ignorant drivers who wait to complete 3000km so the guys at the service station can check it for them! If you are really unfortunate, you can miss out on a leak and have your engine choke and die. Replacing a new engine is probably as expensive as a getting a heart transplant.

Computers, vehicles, cameras, robotics - all these seem to draw design inspiration from the human body.

Another awkward alcohol-based company function... luckily, designated drivers can't drink.

but WoOHoO it's the weekend after that!!!!

When in Rome

Believe it or not, we are now global citizens. If you think about it, outside of official travel documents, we are no longer comprised of one nationality; we have acquired bits and pieces of many nations thanks to improved global communications and the nomadic tendency for finding better opportunities.

There goes a famous saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”.

That's exactly what I try to do. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't. For example, when I lived in a predominantly Chinese culture, I tried everything within acceptable limits, from eating sticky rice balls, drinking flower teas and eating sea weed, to throwing litter in designated bins and asking restaurants to pack the leftovers of what I dined in for take-away. Now, in a predominantly Arabic culture, I tried the shisha, drinking exotic teas and getting henna paintings on my hands. It is sometimes impossible to isolate oneself from traditions unfamiliar to you when living in foreign country surrounded by these. It is an accepted idea that with trying out these, one is able to better appreciate foreign cultures and foreign counterparts, with whom you share a particular period of your life with.

Some time back, not so long ago, I went for a haircut (which normally costs about 70 in local currency). I was soon enticed to take up a limited period offer by the lady who gave me the haircut. It was the perfect deal; for 150 local currency, one would get to enjoy one main service (plenty to choose from!), and get two complimentary smaller services. My haircut being one of the complimentary services, I had to pick one main service and one smaller service. Getting hair highlights or a full body wax didn't appeal to me at the time. The lady was quick to recommend a "Moroccan bath" to me when I looked clueless and lost for choices. What the hell, I thought, my mom has made me have baths in various concoctions of boiled leaves, tree bark and dried roots, it can't get any worse than that! As for the smaller service, I picked a "30 minute shoulder massage" as I was suffering from a strained neck and shoulder at the time.

The day arrived, I was the first customer at the salon. I sat in the front couch, waiting to be called in and with no idea what this was going to be like. An elderly lady brought me a small cup of what looked like tea [What if this is spiked with something? Nevermind Shu, just gulp it down] which I drank hesitantly. It was actually herbal-ish and nice [There might be a tub full of this tea somewhere at the back, in which I'll probably have to soak in. This must be just the start to the experience]. Still waiting [Damn, I should have Googled this before I came. Why did I not think of it before? Oh wait, let me check with my sister]. I called my sister and asked her what they do and what I am supposed to do (she is a very reliable source of information on feminine issues). I was mortified when she told me "You'd be lucky if they let you keep your pants on" [WTF!!!]. Just when I was about to make a run for it through the front entrance, I was called in [HELP!].

Specific details of what happened next have been selectively wiped off my memory. I'll keep it short by saying, although I was lucky (by my sister's definition), I was scrubbed off of about 300 grams of dead skin cells (the horror!) by an elderly woman, old enough to be my mother. It was a thoroughly embarassing experience and even the soft and supple skin (that's how marketing materials word it, I believe) I had afterwards was not enough to counter the feelings of being nearly violated.

I wasn't going to pay absurd prices to a shrink to discuss this experience, that's why I had to blog about it.

"Madam, would you like the massage today as well?" [Are you freaking kidding me?? That's enough touching for a long, long while, thank you very much.]

My sister thinks I am overreacting, but I am certain that is the last Moroccan bath I will try (or the last Japanese public bath I will never try). I guess I won't be visiting that salon again either.

Follow me close behind

Blogs these days seem to be of the same topic (family!).

Ones who grow up without being able to have all their likes and needs fulfilled as children, either make resolutions to give their children the "better life" they never had or realise it's far better to teach them contentment and humbleness than spoil them. I don't particularly remember missing out anything important while growing up! Sure, there were countless times, my requests to have "that colourful book", or "that bicycle" or "the one my friends have" were turned down as they were off the family budget - but my mother always remembered to tell me why I couldn't have it and why I had to be okay with that. Many years later, that type of conditioning has me thinking several times on wants vs. needs before I make a purchase on something I set my eyes on. Sometimes it makes me sad to see a lot of parents "buying" their children convenient affection at toy stores or children being given every little meaningless thing they demand for, making them spoilt and oblivious on many levels. This is money that may be well spent on something more meaningful for the children.

I come from a middle income family, we were not heirs to fat inheritances from ancestors. At the time of my parents getting married (mom at 21 years and dad at 26 years), they barely had any savings. The only good thing going for them at the time was a decent job my dad held at the time. That meant my parents worked very hard to put us through a good education, which they recognised from the beginning as an important factor. My father spent many years fulfilling the role as the main breadwinner of the family. For nearly a decade he lost many opportunities to watch us grow, pass the most interesting milestones of our early lives and get to know us - as he was overseas, working in untold hardships, saving up for the family. My mom on the other hand did not have the opportunity to complete her standard secondary education. What she lacked in certificates, she excelled in her management and people skills. Her enthusiasm and ambition also made her competent in many other areas. I observed that my mom and dad, though not the most compatible/ romantic couple on Earth, made a good team. He provided the funds and she managed it carefully, while instilling in us the thought processes that money could not buy.

There's alot to learn from them, as we try to fill in the shoes they leave behind.

Pictures speak a 1002 words

I managed to impress my dad today with my very organised filing habits, which I have got from him! He seemed thrilled (Oh Shu, we know how badly you crave his attention and approval).

I had one of those rare moments with my dad, going through ancient family photographs, which my mom has very thoughtfully sent through him. Photos remain one of the best forms of memories, and I'm a sucker for those. The changes to people/ places are so drastic over the years, it's amazing to see the contrasts. Some people in the photos are no more, others have grown and changed; photos have the power to take people back in time to specific time-frames in life.

On other news, I was publicly shamed/ blamed in an email chain to several people. Just because one person gave the incorrect information and some one else didnt bother to hear both sides of the story. No apologies received or records set right, sadly. And the whole thing began with me taking the initiative to do something out of my way, in hopes of helping makes things better for many people at work! *sigh* Seriously, Shu, just mind your own business, serves you right for being too enthusiastic about rendering services.

Funny, just this morning I read of a woman who was jailed for 30 days for "trying to steal another passenger's watch from the x-ray scanner at the airport". She claims she noticed the passenger before her forget it in the tray and she was on her way to return it when she was stopped by authorities and arrested for stealing it! So the paper advised people to be cautious when helping strangers (not kidding).

Going with down a flu bug.... bring it on little bug!

Blood Ties

The snipping away of the umbilical cord and physical separation of the mother and the child does not necessarily mean the end of the association, rather signifies the beginning of a new association, which includes the father's physical presence. While it's not arguable that the mother plays an irreplacable, highly specialised role in the child's development, a father's role to provide, protect and mentor is not inferior. A family without a father-figure is not a complete one.

Parents continue to be one of your strongest strengths and motivators, long after we have passed our childhood years. More often than not, we forget that they exist, lying in the shadows, always thinking of us. It amuses me to see them continue to treasure us and protect us how ever older we get, for better or for worse. They eventually support us in whatever stand we take on. They are quick to forgive us for the blunders we make. They sometimes annoy us with their outdated cultural views and embarrass us by defying social etiquette. Yet, when things turn bad, we have a tendency to seek safe shelter under their wings.

Ours is a crazy family. We love each other very fiercely, but we all fail to express it openly. Instead, we like to show each other our love by our actions. We talk less and do more for each other.

Many things considered, mine's as perfect a family gets.

Glass Houses

Really, why do choices of certain people, make you stop in your tracks and leave you dumbfounded? Sure, it is easier to throw stones when living in a glass house myself, but let me do it anyway.

Example 1. The nephew has made incredible progress in the last 3 months, after being put in a pre-school. He talks more, he is more imaginative (plays pretend to different scenarios), more creative (mashing up songs, making up stories, etc) and is better able to understand and reason out than he used to. It would have been a shame to not send him to school till he was 5 years old (currently he is 3.5 years old), as his father wanted to. Schooling is not just about academic content, which will be forgotten soon, it is more about gaining the softer skills like creativity, reasoning and interpersonal skills, which goes a longer way in shaping what he will become. Why does he not realise that the development made in a pre-school setting cannot be duplicated at home? Why does he not understand that exposure to society, outside the confines of home/family are important for character development? Why does he not want his son to be equipped with as many skills necessary to survive in this world? Is it because he does not reason out the way I just did? Or does he not believe in the current education system?

Example 2. A colleague at work talks to me about her 11-year old daughter very much, even though to be honest, I'm not too interested in the details all the time. But I am happy to lend a listening ear. This colleague of mine is a single mother, who recently got a promotion to the post of Account Manager and raises her only daughter. She tells me her daughter is very intelligent, evident from the extremely good marks on her report card. However, she also tells me the daughter is not so much interested in spending too much time studying because she is over-confident in her abilities. Fair enough. The mother however, has different plans for the daughter; to marry her off to a man when she reaches her 20th year. Therefore she says, it does not matter if the daughter does or does not do well in school. I find it ironic that this is the decision of a mother, whose education helped her rise to where she is and made it possible to provide well for her daughter without the dependency on her ex-husband, who is entirely out of the picture. Imagine the fate of a woman in today's society, without a proper education/career/finances (I don't wish it apon anyone) if her huband left her with a child. I do hope that this is not something about taking out the dissatisfaction of her unfulfilled dreams of a happy marriage on her only daughter. Like my parents, I would have dealt with this in a different perspective. In identifying and knowing the child's strengths, I would have encouraged her to do well and dream big, in hopes she will stand a fair chance of leading a self-sufficient and comfortable life in society.

Once, many years ago, a rendition of this piece was performed by our campus orchestra and it has stuck with me since. Here's the original, a truly wonderful piece of Indian classical music, sung by a equally talented musician. Stepping for a moment out of cultural differences, this piece carries plenty of deeper meanings and timely reminders for most of us who spend our time aimlesslessly and selfishly.

Every man for himself

Been hanging out a alot with family, with the Dad's visit. I actually cooked today, after what seemed like ages, for the family. Drove them around and participated like part of a real family. Must say it's quite chaotic, rewarding as well as tiring.

Also some disturbing news. My Mom says the river beside our house has dried up, and is now with very little water. Hundreds of fish have surfaced and are fighting to survive on the last drops of water. This rare occurance has attracted a new type of predator: Man. They come from far and wide, on foot and in vehicles, with tools, to beat the fish to death and carry them victoriously back home to adorn their dinner plates and sizzle their taste buds. I am one to be deeply disturbed by something like this. For one thing, I could never bring myself to do it and my underlying assumption being that humans are not supposed to be vicious predators, when they are capable of independent thought and higher reasoning. These are not poverty-stricken people who would die if they didn't have this meal. What type of message do these parents want to send to their children, who watch their parents intently? But I suppose when opportunity presents itself, it's hard not to follow the herds. After all, one might argue, these fish are dying anyway, why not put them out of their misery sooner and enjoy a good meal out of it. And this is the somewhat the same thing fishermen do, i.e. hunt, so that we consumers can enjoy the same end result - the fish on the dinner plate. How is this that any different from hunting on your own? For a moment let's consider that these dying fish in the river were allowed to be. We can't save them all. They'd die eventually and the rotting carcasses will pollute the area, if the water level doesn't return to normal soon enough.

A good soundtrack from the recently released animated movie, Rio:

Wish upon a star!

Here's a song, that feels like you are high on air! (helps to mute the lyrics)



I think I may have written the first chapter for my autobiography! A very controversial one, but I'll be excited if this plan of mine goes to the stage of a book. I know it's going to take ages but I don't care if no one reads it (except my editor and a few close friends whom I'll force to read up!), I just want to challenge myself to see that I can see it through. Lesse.

Went to class today after a month. Very rusty, but I got a tiny lesson on something I've been drooling and dying to learn for YEARS. It was a good feeling to be reunited with music. Now to kick myself to practice more often.

Dad's going to be here in 2 days' time. He's is so sweet and smart, that's about all I know about him. He speaks very little, but I wish he gave more feedback on what he thinks of me. My Jeep will have all the free health checkups while he is here as he loves diagnosing faults and fixing vehicles.

I long to see a meteor shower! Missed one many years ago when I was a kid. I distinctly remember waiting for the a meteor shower, laying flat on the warm concrete pathway in my garden, watching the sky, which looked so beautifully dark blue and studded with millions of sparkly stars and planets. Btw, tar roads are nice and warm to sleep on by the end of the day. Tried it laying down on a road for a short while for the heck of it as a kid to find out what animals find so great about it. Anyway, it got too late, the meteor shower didn't happen while I was waiting and my mom yelled out asking me to come back inside because it was too dark and there might be snakes!

Oh no! Work tomorrow, with new clothes and a new (unsymmetrical) haircut.

The Self-help Section

It's been a lovely first day of the weekend. No irritating mood swings. Slept well and woke up fresh without an alarm having to wake me up. Missed my class by waking up too late. Went to the gym upstairs for a 20 minute workout (yeah, that's about all I can manage yet without feeling dizzy!). Felt so proud of the little (adorable) bulge in my arms that I have developed from climbing walls and doing the occasional wall push-ups. Spent some time with the sister and nephew, this time actually listening to them and interacting willingly. She seemed happy to have someone listen to her thoughts. Don't we all need that sometimes! Did the laundry. Had a nice shower and sat down to enjoy a nice home-cooked lunch! Feels like I am suspended in a vaccum, with no strong forces to tip me off balance. I'm going to make the most of this, while it lasts!

I like watching Oprah's & Ellen's talk shows. Unfortunately, I don't have the means to watch them on a regular basis and so I watch clips on Youtube. Ellen's very funny, cheerful and the genuinely kind type, always a pleasure to watch. Oprah's show is very interesting, there's always something to take away from it, an alternative thinking process even or something that humbly brings you down to base. Sometimes the phrase "I love Oprah", is usually followed by raised eyebrows, similar to the expression you might get when you are at a book store looking through the self-help book section. Nothing wrong with watching inspirational shows or buying self-help books, we all look for explanations from time to time.

I would have liked to blog on more serious and thought provoking topics in this new blog. My blogs lately have been very superficial and not always written with much enthusiasm. But a blog is like a snapshot in time of the thought processes; embarassing, mundane or substance-less some of them may be, it shows a state of mind that existed and one which is undoubtedly my own.

On a separate note, WHY are Brussels sprouts so unpopular? I love them (steamed)!

Justin Timberlake - sexy, arrogant, neat dancer, show-off and makes moving music:


Disclaimer: The video is scandalous but but gotta admit this song played at ear shattering volumes while driving is quite thrilling.

Those which are hard to find and supportive

This is a very determined effort to make it a point to write OUT my thoughts, rather than let them express themselves inwards.

What a contrast today seems from yesterday. How pathetic and deceiving can your mind get?! Nothing's changed from yesterday (problems remain unchanged), except for the forward movement of time and yet, things feel better today. Sure I can blame hormones for most of life's problems, but really these biological components only intensify already existing emotions and states of mind. I highly doubt they effect new emotions and ideas. This must either be a flawed characteristic of being human OR something is not quite right about me.

Several years back, I received a birthday card from a couple of close friends of mine. It implied "Great friends are like good bras" and how right that is even vice versa! Funny that came to mind today. I think I've found a perfect fit and it made my day (YAY!) and odd I should blog about it. But I've had extremely frustrating experiences picking out the right ones for most of my life. Even with standardised numbers/ sizes, most purchases turn out unsatisfactory.

For my sister, what made her day was buying a nice, warm meal to a man who could not afford it and watch him enjoy it. For me it was partly about having good support all day *cough*.

Work was better too. There was work to be done. "Keep busy" works just as good as "blogging" for me. The moment I have too much free time and nothing serious to work with, I easily fall into the "self-reflector phase" and when reflecting on myself, I see alot of things going wrong in Life and this leads to unpleasant emotions, easily exacerbated by the wondrous things called hormones and unproductive ways of dealing with it. And a downward vortex results.

What was inside the card...

Oh wow, it's the weekend tomorrow!

The Rat Race

Today was much like a day when I first joined the company. I was free for 7 out of the 8 working hours. I Idled. I did various things to keep myself entertained. I drank various things to keep myself awake. I read several things to look busy. I ate various things out of boredom (which didn't quite agree with me later). I listened to the same 2 songs repeatedly. I daydreamed and soul-searched.

Oh. I did a psychometric test too, found on one of the training folders at work. I got equal points for being a "Reflector" and a "Theorist", so the results were annoyingly inconclusive. Personally, I thought I fell to the range of a "Reflector". They are the type who have absolutely nothing to talk about (outright) in a meeting or at a coffee machine. They rather listen and watch people than shoot out ideas on the fly. They want to go back, review and analyse all the facts and come to a carefully derived decision. They like to strictly follow procedures that have been proven to be effective. They suffer with varying degrees of mental disorders such as OCD, perfectionism, grammar nazi-ism, formatting nazi-ism and other health disorders like high blood pressure, tachycardia, mood swings and hot flushes (related to anger, not menopause).

Life sucks in general. We planned a holiday (my first REAL holiday, it would have been) to an exotic place. But it has been postponed from May to July to October. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

WHEN do I catch a decent break???