What felt like this seven months ago,
This image is not complete without a "heavenly sound effect" to go with it
Image Source: fineartamerica
... now feels a bit like this!
Image Source: Think Nice
Despite the hundreds of simulations I ran in my head before I left Singapore, there was no knowing what reality would be. So a few months into this new life, I'm beginning to see areas where I may have made a few errors in judgement. Of course, not all the consequences are bad, but here are those bad ones.
Returning to graduate school
This hasn't been easy. With prolonged disuse of the brain, it degenerates and a routine job without much mental challenge accelerates decay. So nine years after my last academic stint plus eight years of doing mostly non-stimulating work, I'm struggling to keep up in class, focus on studying, pass exams and even remember small things. With five days left to the start of my end-semester exams, I've had to dig deep inside myself to fight procrastination and find ways to motivate myself to do well.
That brings me to what happens if I don't do well. If I don't achieve the minimum GPA required to be allowed to do a thesis, all this sacrifice and risk would be in vain. I can't afford to take another leap of faith again so this is the last second-chance I have.
Choosing a thesis topic is like picking out one brand of detergent in a hypermart having a hundred brands of detergent on the shelves. There are too many possibilities and too many considerations. Producing a useful thesis is what will get me acceptance to the academic world, which in turn will buy me the ticket to enter a career in conservation. It's a difficult road filled with many obstacles and no promises of success.
After a finding a good supervisor, I must consider things like not picking an overly researched area even if it is a top choice, picking a topic that will leave me with career opportunities afterwards and one that will eventually contribute (even slightly) positively to Science (and not just be a stack of paper that will be food for termites on a dusty library shelf). This thesis is going to be like my signature dish and it's going to have to be good because it will impact everything that comes after graduating from this course.
Although I have a few ideas, I have not yet succeeded in narrowing down a thesis topic. A few have warned me that I should be nearly decided by now.
Lifestyle
I've had to make some serious downgrades in my lifestyle. What I used to earn in one day in my previous job, I now have to spread out over a month. Sure, the cost of living in Sri Lanka is a fraction of what it is in Singapore, but I've still had to cut down on social activities, visits to the salon, gifts, holidays, food treats, clothes, shoes, books, Netflix, movies at the cinema, gadgets, etc, to prolong my savings. Before I left my job, I stocked up on things from clothes, to girly accessories, to stationary, down to the level of sanitary napkins (Sheldon would agree with this!) and this has served me well so far.
Although, times like these make me realise that I didn't need even half the things I thought I needed when my income was higher. In fact, a simple life can be a source of contentment. And it also made me realise that ultimately, having adequate savings, being loan-free and creating a passive source of income should be primal goals for financial security once the 20's come to an end.
I'm slightly behind in achieving those goals now, because I made a sudden change of course in life. I hope it will be worth it.
Looking after pets
Looking after two dogs is more work than I imagined. We had to get a second dog to keep company for the first one, so it was mostly a dog welfare issue. This is the first time we've had two full time dogs (most others were strays that came for food and left). It's like looking after two children. They fall sick, they need lots of attention, they have moods, they are greedy, you have to remember to bring treats for them when you go to town because they expect it, they are stubborn, they pee and poop in the house sometimes and they often stress you out.
If I closed my eyes to have a moment of calmness, I'm very likely to hear two dogs barking incessantly at some innocent passer-by, followed by a family member threatening the dogs to shut up. Or if I try to take a solitary walk in the woods around the house to look for various creatures to capture on camera, I am accompanied by two dogs and sometimes a cat in what they think as a noble duty. Only, they also chase away any sign of life. Sometimes, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning in hopes of starting a productive day of studying, only to be met with a steaming pile of dog poop to be cleaned.
Recently, Nicky (the faulty dog) fell critically ill with an advanced stage of tick fever. We thought he may not make it. After several visits to the hospital, lots of medications and critical care at home (force-feeding, keeping him warm, etc), he got better.
Lea was spayed recently. In the morning after her operation, the surgical cut had opened up and fleshy bits from the insides were hanging out. In a panic, we rushed her to a nearby vet. It was the most dingy and unhygienic clinic I have ever been to and the vet used bare fingers and unsterilised instruments to push the fleshy bits in and sew her up. We decided never to visit that vet again and we also feared she might die of sepsis. A few hours later, it too started to open up and more fleshy bits came out. She was rushed to the emergency ward that night, where they removed all her old stitches and put a new set. The poor girl went through a lot of trauma that day.
Out cat, Malky, got a fungal infection around the same time too. We took her to the vet twice, but because of the unpleasantness of having a tablet forced into her throat, she refused to come home. Her constant itching with sharp nails worsened it to bloody wounds. She was in a lot of distress. In order to take her to the vet, she was forcefully captured not once by thrice because she managed to escape twice (she's a superb escape artist). The vet said she has mange and gave her three painful injections which seems to have improved her condition.
These are the kind of responsibilities to consider when having pets (and children) and one must think very, very hard before making a commitment to have one.
Family life
A couple of days after I returned home, I was treated like royalty. This has always been the case when I came down for holidays. Tea was served to the bedside, I wasn't asked to do chores, my favourite types of food were all prepared for my delight and I was always chauffeured when going out of the house.
I even overheard my mother telling a couple of her friends over the phone, "The house feels full now and having her back has brightened the house and our lives."
Fast forward to six months later, things have changed. I get called out a lot for my forgetfulness (to close sugar jars, fold bed sheets, etc), I have to do chores the moment I am instructed, I have to help with making family decisions like what to eat for the next meal and I have to make efforts to socialise with neighbours and friends of the family.
Now my mother often questions her upbringing skills saying, "I can't believe you are a child of mine, how in the world have you learnt to live like [a pig, a gypsy, a brainless person, etc]?!".
My transition from a carefree "bachelor" life to being part of a chaotic family has not been easy. When living alone, my emotional state was pretty much a stable horizontal line. Now when living with family, it's a constantly fluctuating line with many spikes.
Gone are those days when I closed my eyes, I felt nothing but a sweeping calm of silence. Gone are also the days when I could have done virtually ANYTHING and walked out unnoticed, free of judgement and free of unsolicited advice.
