Sundays

Waking up to a bright, breezy Sunday morning, without alarms was a treat. I had a nice chat with my BFF from school, who now lives in the States, using the wonderful invention of instant messaging on a smart phone while still in bed. Also, granola bars are awesome. I didn't even have to leave my "work station" to trouble myself with preparing food and clearing up dishes. Next month though, when my mother visits for three weeks, I have to put away with some of these productive habits I have mastered over the years in order to make her stay pleasant.

Let me think, what else?
1. Increase the frequency of the house cleaning schedule
2. Hide all packets of instant noodles, granola bars, instant soup, canned food, etc and fill up kitchen cupboards with wholesome food and the refrigerator with fresh produce
3. Look up expiry dates and throw away anything that's not supposed to be sitting inside the kitchen cupboards
4. Make sure pillow covers match the bedsheets (Ugh, what a pain. Seriously, why do they have to match all the time??)
5. Arrange clothes in the cupboard in an organised fashion (I can't figure out why I like being mess at home, while I take great pains to perfect my work-related and writing projects)
6. Be patient and understanding at all times (while I am commonly mistaken for being "saintly" by strangers, my family members and very close friends will attest to my impatience and shortness of temper)

Oh dear, I've been doing this for so long, that I can't think of what else I have overlooked!

I am still getting used to blogging with a new external keyboard. I was forced to buy it when two of my keys stopped working and up until then, I used to happily blog away with my laptop comfortably sitting on my lap. Now it's a challenge because my lap is not big enough for both a computer AND an external keyboard.

These days, I am reading the autobiography of David Attenborough. Looks like a lot of great men have humble origins and an undying determination to get past the odds. The book adds quality to my 3-4 hour daily commute and was one of those books, I picked up on my way to the cashier at a bookstore.

From an evolutionary perspective, I believe my line of offspring several generations away would eventually lose the ability of speech and instead grow larger heads to compensate for it. Several of Shuri's good friends tell her to come out of her shell more often and go talk to people, especially guys. But this is never easy. Last week, I had some great conversations on life and worldly issues with two elderly gentlemen who were taxi drivers. Usually I sit quietly, mostly unable to find a starting line befitting a stranger, but if it so happens that someone who's good in conversational skills initiate it and bring up a stirring topic (that has nothing to do with nail polish, designer handbags or high heeled shoes), then we hit it off well. The things that come out from a small conversation can be so enlightening sometimes that I wonder how many things I miss for every opportunity I don't give a try. Of course, the other side to this is that, not every conversation with strangers turn out to be those enlightening types.

While waiting at a traffic light to cross the road, last week, Shuri bumped into a guy who works in the same building and have been spotted smoking before:
Guy: Hi.
Shu: ..... Hi.
Guy: You work at XYZ, right?
Shu: Yes [It should be very clear from this bright red lanyard hanging around my neck, with the company name printed in big lett----...SHU FOCUS! He's making small talk. OH.]
Shu: Do you start work at 8? Because I am half an hour late to work today!
Guy: I am usually late too, though I am supposed to start work at 7:30.
Shu: Doesn't your company provide transport to its employees so they can come to work on time? Mine unfortunately, does not.
Guy: They do, but I have my own bike.
Shu: Ah.

Few more topics were discussed briefly while walking to the building, like which countries we were from, what type of work we did, etc..

Guy: What's your name?
Shu: I am > insert real name <
Guy: My name is >insert real name<

Shu: Nice meeting you and oh look, I have to go this way to my office.
Guy: Don't you take the lift?
Shu: No, I prefer the stairs. B-bye!

On the way up the stairs, Shu tries very hard to recall what his name was, Terence? Tesla? Tesh--? whatwasitnow? Crap.

Fail.

~~~

I received a hard copy back-up of my old blog (in other words, A BOOK!) few weeks back from Blog2Print. It was such an exciting moment to flip through the glossy pages and read my tales and go through feelings of nostalgia and smiles, while having the smell of new printed pages in my face. I spotted a few spelling and grammatical mistakes (nuoooooh!), but this is the closest thing to having my very own published book, so I'll take this first-attempt-product-thing gladly. After receiving the parcel at work, I clung on to my bag all the way home and hoped I won't be hit by a bus, until I was able to come home and read it to the end.

 The front

The back - okay, I know it doesn't look too age-appropriate, but there's a caterpillar in there!

 The glossy pages (there is a table of contents too...soo cool!)

If you are reading this line, that means you belong to the list of people in the last category (and thanks)

Katy Kat, I hope you are reading this post from Norway! Enjoy the snow for me.

'Tis the Year of the Snake

Singapore is experiencing cool, rainy weather these days. The type that makes you want to snuggle something warm and never leave bed. Going to work in the mornings are a challenge.

A few weeks back, while shopping for linen, I fell in love with a purple (synthetic) fleece - a woolly blanket, in other words. Even after forcing myself to take a day to think about it and get over the "madness", I crawled back to the store the next day and bought it. I have a weakness for those things. Disturbing as it sounds, they kinda make me feel safe - from what I do not know! Probably wardrobe and under-the-bed monsters.

I had pleasant duty day at the zoo today. For the first time, I got the chance to work with two other volunteers. It was actually fun. In a series of unfortunate coincidences before today, I picked days that no one else picked so I ended up managing the station and giving a dreaded (yes, I said dreaded) commentary on the King Cobra feeding session all alone three times. On the bright side, this situation made me lose some of my fear of public speaking since I didn't have the choice of worming out of it. And today, with three volunteers at the station, I saw the least number of visitors at the zoo so far AND Elvis, the King Cobra was shedding its skin so there was no feeding (and no commentary o_O). So instead of doing the usual commentary, I was holding on to a piece of snake shedding next to the exhibit and using it as a conversation starter to strike random chats with visitors and try to interest them with reptile facts. It worked pretty well, WAY better than ordinary small talk.

Maybe I should take a piece of snake shedding to work. That way, I might be able to make more conversations with my colleagues.Good idea, Shu, you are already a weirdo at work and this will make no difference to your reputation.

Snakes like all other reptiles, shed their skin regularly to replace old or damaged skin, to grow larger in size or to get rid of parasites. During this time, they stop feeding and tend to hide in a safe place.

It's interesting to see the reactions of different people. Some shriek over it (mistaking it for an actual snake or imagining somewhere in the back of their mind that a piece of dead snake skin will bite them), others give an uncomfortable smile and walk away. But most of them are drawn to it by their curiosity and are excited to touch it and either ask questions or just listen. Parents who like to actively educate their kids during their excursion to the zoo, usually make them touch it and explain to them what it is. And some kids don't want to part with it after getting a chance to hold it. Today, two of them tore a small piece and refused to hand them back, but we have plenty so it didn't really matter.

Though we don't really do this to hear thanks (we do it for a whole lot of other reasons, like getting up close with animals and optimistically believing that we can somehow stall the extinction of certain animals species and the destructive course the planet is headed towards), it does feel a little heartwarming when some people say "Thank you for sharing" and walk away with a smile.

The approaching Chinese New Year in February happens to be the Year of the Snake! Looking forward to the three days of holidays, touring around with some visitors and eating lots of oranges.

Lost and Found

My mental processes were highly occupied the last week with my latest read - Quiet. Simply stated, the book is brilliant. I have new-found respect for introverts and more tolerance towards extroverts now. After reading the last page, I was walking around the house today (somewhat dazed by the effects of flu meds), shaking my head thinking, only an extraordinary individual who spent a considerable amount of time learning, observing people and situations, and analysing this data while spending a lot of time inside her head could have put together such a powerful a string of words, touching on many aspects from individuals, politics, education, corporate cultures to world cultures, world history, relationships and parenting.

Perhaps this wisdom will help me get along well with my highly extroverted mother when she visits next month! A lot of things make sense now; like how spending my impressionable years in a conservative Asian country that admires the Introvert Ideal, going to the same familiar school for fifteen years of my life and how having parents who didn't try to inhibit me and instead let me 'run away' with whatever thoughts and interests my mind fancied worked to my advantage in excelling in studies, building my core character and nurturing some of the life-long friendships I built along the way. I was a happy introverted child, having with me everything I could possibly wish for (it's no wonder my right foot is firmly planted in that past).

The real challenges came later in life after leaving the safe protection of the nest. Some of the downsides that I discovered later (apart from being way too naive and not knowing myself well enough) were that I was poorly armed in communication and social skills, all which led to self-doubt and loss of self-esteem in no time. These seeped into my performance in university and made it difficult for me to progress in the competitive world in my early career. Worst of all, I had no sense of direction because I had no idea where I wanted to go till quite recently. But the path leading to these types of self-realisations has ultimately been a rewarding one.

In my first blog post in May 2010, in describing myself, I write....

"I never felt like I fitted in anywhere as a person (does anyone, really?)"

Only now I have the answer to that! I was busy comparing myself to extroverts and trying too hard to conform to the extroverted standards that I thought was required for the environment I lived in when deep down it was exhausting and didn't feel right. I no longer feel the burden of wanting to fit in places I would not fit in, instead I actively seek out niches of people and situations that fit me. Knowing my limitations, I only stretch out of character to accomplish things I am really passionate about and in special cases where it is a pre-requisite to get to something I really need. And with enough practice and time, even out of character attributes (like public speaking, being assertive and feeling less anxious with new people/places) get easier. 

Shu, you took two and a half years to figure out all this?? Really?? You are such an idiot.

I keep telling myself, I should stop blogging about introversion and animals for a change, but I keep falling back to those same topics. 

The other day, I hunted down The Lion King I at a video store. I have lost count of the times I have watched it since its release in 1994, but it remains my favourite animated movie of all time. Watching it from an adult perspective this time, I was pleasantly surprised to see that behind the humour and colourful characters, the story still has many positive messages to take away.

Last weekend, I had a go at pseudo-skydiving at iFly Singapore on a Groupon voucher. "Pseudo" because it is as close as one can get to the real thrill of skydiving in the safe conditions of an indoor wind tunnel. It's a wonderful feeling to defy gravity in a controlled manner and not have to be burdened with the weight of our bodies, as in the case of swimming and flying. To my surprise, I was the best flyer in our group of seven first-timers (unlike being one of the worst performers in the new dance class I tried many months back!). The trick was to relax, position yourself according to the instructor's advice, be aware of the body positions that took your higher or lower in altitude and enjoy the flight that lasted less than a minute. After this experience, I feel a slight itch to add 'skydiving' to my bucket list, despite my fears of jumping out of an aeroplane with a faulty parachute.

Flying Shu. My photo was taken courtesy of a kind lady who was also taking pictures of her family and she volunteered to email them to me!

This being my first solo visit to Sentosa in over three years, I noticed a lot of change on this integrated island resort. Many new attractions (each with a big price tag attached) have popped up like mushrooms with new buildings using up every available space on the island making it rather over-crowded now. In some ways it felt like the place has lost its relaxing charm, while trying hard to make the most revenue out of thousands of visitors that visit here. In other ways, it appears to be evolving into a world-class attraction providing visitors with a wide range of unique experiences, that can't be found elsewhere.

I wonder why I woke up this morning, with a strong flashback of my time with my maternal grandfather. During his able years, he was an iron-willed, egotistical, domineering, hot-tempered and violence-prone man who was feared by many. In a fitting match of professions, he served in the military during the World War II and later in the Police force. When I came to associate closely with him after our family moved to his neighbourhood, he was a changed man. He was still strong-willed and independent, yet he was a retired widower living alone with a much softer temperament.

On most evenings for nearly three years, I would visit him for a couple of hours after getting home from school. His favourite past time used to be sitting on an old refrigerator placed horizontally under a shady mango tree while reading newspapers, chewing betel leaves, killing mosquitoes and having a 360 degree view of the large garden and frequently scanning the area for anyone who tried to sneak in from the borders. There were a lot of thieves in our village ranging from innocent ones looking for firewood, coconuts or fruits to junkies looking to steal anything they can find to get money to buy drugs. But with my grandfather's notorious and fearsome reputation, few had the nerve to try. The ones who tried often got caught and repented dearly.

Our meetings were like a tradition. We would both read the newspaper taking turns to read different sections and (mostly he) would comment on them. I preferred reading jokes and articles related to Science and Health. All the time, we would be surrounded by swarms of mosquitoes. I would use insect-repellent, wave my legs to discourage them or sometimes let them have a little 'food'. He would swat them and collect the dead ones in a small mound between us. Then he would make tea for us and we would chat while having crackers with our tea. He had a lot of stories to tell from his past. Often his face lit up relating the memorable  ones where he acted valiantly. One of his favourites was telling how he had to shoot down a wild elephant that terrorised the villagers in a remote area where he was assigned to be on patrol. He tells me that he had nightmares for many months after that incident. Sometimes he told me the same stories over and over again, but I still listened patiently. I would help him with small chores like running to the grocery store to buy things, sweeping the garden or cleaning leaves off the gutters on the roof (though my mother protested to that) and plucking fruits or betel leaves. In return, he would usually give me fruits (usually overripe and not really edible, but I used to accept them anyway and discard them later).

He came to appreciate and depend emotionally on my company and he always inquired about the days I didn't turn up. If he heard I was sick, he would come all the way to check up on me. I suppose he felt very lonely after I left the country for my university studies, without anyone to take my place in the evenings. A few months after I left, I heard he got his first stroke and was left partially paralysed. Old age is not a pleasant phase and while there is strength of mind, there is usually better quality of life. But the moment it breaks down, sickness and death approach faster. Eventually, he went to live with his son and even made a short recovery from paralysis, but at age eighty and five months after I left, he succumbed to the second stroke attack. That December, I flew home straight to his funeral. And that was also the same month that the country was devastated by the tsunami of 2004.

I still miss him sometimes.

I'm in Love with Kangaroos

Welcome to another new year! It's that time when most of us reflect back on the year that passed and make resolutions for the new year knowing very well that they may eventually be forgotten or fail to take effect. Despite the failure rate, reflection is a good practice to cultivate. And the concept of a new beginning seems to give a little extra motivation to try a bit harder to change those hard-wired habits.

After finishing my station duty at the zoo last weekend, I took a stroll to explore a part of the zoo which I had not visited in a long while: the Australian Outback. The Singapore Zoo worked closely with late Steve Irwin to design and open this exhibit featuring native species from Australia and nearby islands such as Kangaroos, Wallabies, Tree Kangaroos, Bearded Dragons, Emus and Cassowaries.

Before that though, I took a detour to catch the 'Elephants of Asia' show, featuring four Asian elephants from Sri Lanka. There is something so powerful, graceful and intelligent about these endangered herbivores that demands our respect. Of course, suppliers, consumers and everyone who stands to gain from the illegal ivory trade would disagree with me. 

Hoppity Hop - An Eastern Grey Kangaroo

When I made my way to say hello to the Kangaroos and Wallabies, the Wallabies were having naps but fortunately for me, it was the Kangaroo feeding time. After having a chat with the keepers, I was given a small bowl of kangaroo feed (it looked like ordinary guinea pig food pellets) and a chance to feed one. He or she was a friendly five year old Eastern Grey and my, wasn't he/she so adorable! Pretty big eyes with eyelashes and soft fur like a cuddly soft toy - I have been on Cloud 9 since that encounter *slaps self* 

Whats wrong with you, Shu?
Please can I take him or her home for a short time and look after it? 
Are you mad? You are being overly emotional, plus it's a wild animal meant to live in the wild, not a pet. 
Or can I come live and work at the zoo? *slaps self again*
You already have a job, dumbass.

Book stores are terrible, terrible places. I went to accomplish a simple task of picking up one book from the reserved books counter and going home with the purchase. But I got carried away in the sea of massive bookshelves promising thousands of interesting worlds in the form of books to anyone who picked them up. I ended up going home with two books. 

Ta - daaa!

I was very excited to finally get my hands on Quiet by Susan Cain. My enthusiasm for it started many months ago during my unemployed phase. Once I even located the one book store that had a copy at the time and kicked such a fuss when the staff could not find where they placed the book. That had nearly all the store staff sieving through shelves to find it. At last, one of them found it and I had to shamefully leave it behind (I have not stepped back in that store again) when I saw the hefty price tag on the hard cover copy. So I vowed to get it later and I did.

The book has been very engaging so far and I use every opportunity to savour it. Like today, I selfishly ditched my only friend at work/extrovert, to catch an early bus home, just so I can read in solitude. She's a good soul (unlike those toxic types that my gut instincts say "Run Away" from) who's the type to reach out and include even the quietest ones like me, but on some days, 40 minutes of a good quiet read in the bus is far more rewarding and energizing than 40 minutes of actively listening to another who naturally can't stop talking about themselves for even 10 seconds. Funny enough, this closely follows the theme that this book discusses at length.

I'm probably more excited about this book than an average reader because it strikes so many chords on a personal level. Not only that, it's a brilliantly researched and analytical book, that uses ample solid scientific evidence (as opposed to abstract philosophies without logical basis) to build a case. Often, I find myself falling into potholes of deep thought after reading a stimulating idea put across in the book, only to crawl out and fall into another one a short distance later.

The biggest accomplishment that accidentally came out of my blogging exercise (coupled with a few other factors) in the past three years was that I gained a better understanding of myself, why I am the way I am and most importantly, being more accepting of these and being comfortable in my own skin - though it is still a work in progress and I'm guessing it will remain so for the rest of my time. So as much I treasure coming to express my thoughts freely on my blog space, reading this book has been like a pleasant rendez-vous with a stranger who I got along extremely well with. At times when I read it, I feel like it was written just for me. 

Reading this book will aptly conclude my mini-research project on the Introversion/ Extroversion theory.

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