Traditions then and now

The traditional Sinhala and Tamil New Year which falls in April was a fun time for me as a child. We looked forward to this joyous occasion, which fell right after the school holidays began. It was a time when relatives gathered at my grandparent's house. There were plenty of games, food, fireworks and laughter. Now our grandparents are no longer around, so the relatives don't gather as much and families are getting smaller in size and living further apart.

The New Year is kind of a big deal in my culture. There is astrological significance in planetary shifts, there are auspicious times to do certain things, there are certain directions you have to look at while doing these customs, certain colours you have to wear, etc. All with the promise of bringing in good luck and prosperity.

I feel sandwiched between two generations of differing thoughts. My parents follow the traditions with a lot of devotion with no questions asked. Projecting ahead, the generations after me will see little point in following some of these traditions at all. I am stuck in a place where I want to keep the traditions going for it's cultural and nostalgic significance but I see little meaning in some of them.

This pattern is evident in other aspects of the culture too - religious events, funerals, weddings. While many of us question the significance of some customs, we feel compelled to follow through.

Of course, questioning the meaning of traditions and demanding evidence is akin to being a jerk. Some can argue that unique traditions from various cultures make the world a more interesting place, it helps people to bond and it keeps the generations connected in a special way.

An important aspect of maintaining traditions is that older generations set an example and pass down the knowledge to younger generations. With a growing number of skeptics, smaller families, geographic isolation, inter-racial marriages, etc, there is bound to be some "dilution" of traditions in the years to come. In a way, I admire families that make an effort to stay connected with extended families and keep annual traditions going just so the younger generations have something special to learn and experience.

The boiling of milk in a new earthen pot for the New Year until it overflows signifies the abundance of prosperity

Except food - no one questions the cultural significance of food! 

Just do it!

I'm home for the New Year holidays. Like Singapore's Chinese New Year, this is one of the longest holidays that people here get to enjoy with their loved ones.

While life goes on here and I have a growing number of tasks on my plate, I've been feeling somewhat paralysed and defeated by my own state of inaction lately. What I previously thought of as procrastination might actually be a case of "analysis paralysis". Maybe the two are related. Yes, I'm constantly on the hunt for fitting labels to my psychological problems!

Analysis paralysis is defined as the state of over-analyzing (or over-thinking) a situation so that a decision or action is never taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome (Wikipedia).

There might be many reasons for this condition, according to my analysis (hah!). Being too theoretical, spending too much time inside the head, trying to meet unrealistic ideals for deliverables like reports (a.k.a. perfectionism) and over-estimating the amount of work that goes into making a perfect deliverable. While it can lead to good quality outputs, it's a terrible way to live, really. And it's certainly not the way to work smart or efficiently. 

It is also possible that over-thinking to an extreme can lead one to being disconnected with reality over time. For an over-thinker, I think that being sanely present in reality is a fine balance between the interpretation of facts and external feedback on one side and going with assumptions and intuition on the other side. 

So my resolution THIS new year, is that I'll try to think less and just act on the things I have to do! Kind of like the Nike inspired memes below.

The strategy is to go from this state of mind...

(Image source: The Oatmeal)

... to this.

As Bruce Lee once said, “If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

The Bermuda Triangle

I have come to the conclusion that my seating area in the office is a mini Bermuda Triangle. Several things of value have gone missing lately. Few days ago, I decided to search for a missing camera in a big box located behind my chair. I had noticed this box lying there, closed up, since the day I joined.

I nearly fell off my rotating chair the moment I opened that box because, man, I did NOT see what was coming!

The Bermuda Triangle. Image Source: Unmuseum.

IT WAS A BOX FULL OF CONDOMS. Not just one or two or ten, but a box so full that you can even dive into it. Kind of like this:

Image source: Life & Style

Of course, I am exaggerating a bit. And it was not too surprising either. The UNAIDS office had just moved out before I arrived and had asked our office to hold some things for them. Still, a few days after discovering the big box of condoms, I was equally unprepared to find a dildo in the filing cupboard. My reaction to that discovery was similar to finding a big flying cockroach inside a filing cupboard. I can only assume that it was one of the props used by UNAIDS for demonstration purposes in their HIV awareness campaigns.


Holy shit, Shuri! You have been guarding a big box of condoms like a dragon ALL THIS TIME!!!

Should we take some??? No Shuri, that's stealing. But it was meant for free distribution. And there's so much of them!!! It's still stealing because it wasn't handed out to you by UNAIDS. 

Besides, why do YOU need them??? Because they say it's better to be safe than sorry, and what good are protection measures if they aren't easily accessible at all times in all circumstances???

And how are you going to explain condoms to your mother?

~ ~ ~

AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is a serious issue in the 21st century. The number of new infections occurring is still wildly out of control. Thanks to various awareness campaigns and advances in antiretroviral drugs, there are better chances for fighting AIDS/HIV. However, things like poverty, lack of awareness, social stigma and lack of support from religious organisations are standing in the way of eliminating this disease.

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is transmitted by sexual contact, significant exposure to infected body fluids or tissues and from mother to child during pregnancy, delivery or breastfeeding. There is no risk of acquiring HIV if exposed to faeces, nasal secretions, saliva, sputum, sweat, tears, urine or vomit unless these are contaminated with blood.

GLOBAL HIV STATISTICS for 2016

• 78 million [69.5 million–87.6 million] people have become infected with HIV since the start of the epidemic (end 2015)
• 35 million [29.6 million–40.8 million] people have died from AIDS-related illnesses since the start of the epidemic (end 2015)

• In 2015, there were 36.7 million [34.0 million–39.8 million] people living with HIV.

• As of June 2016, 18.2 million [16.1 million–19.0 million] people living with HIV were accessing antiretroviral therapy, up from 15.8 million in June 2015 and 7.5 million in 2010.
• In 2015, around 46% [43–50%] of all people living with HIV had access to treatment.
• In 2015, some 77% [69–86%] of pregnant women living with HIV had access to antiretroviral medicines to prevent transmission of HIV to their babies.

• Worldwide, 2.1 million [1.8 million–2.4 million] people became newly infected with HIV in 2015.
• New HIV infections among children have declined by 50% since 2010.
  • Worldwide, 150 000 [110 000–190 000] children became newly infected with HIV in 2015, down from 290 000 [250 000–350 000] in 2010.
• Since 2010 there have been no declines in new HIV infections among adults.
  • Every year since 2010, around 1.9 million [1.9 million–2.2 million] adults have become newly infected with HIV.

• AIDS-related deaths have fallen by 45% since the peak in 2005.
  • In 2015, 1.1 million [940 000–1.3 million] people died from AIDS-related causes worldwide, compared to 2 million [1.7 million–2.3 million] in 2005.

• Tuberculosis-related deaths among people living with HIV have fallen by 32% since 2004.
  • Tuberculosis remains the leading cause of death among people living with HIV, accounting for around one in three AIDS-related deaths.

Source: http://www.unaids.org/en/resources/fact-sheet

I might be the Flash!

I really shouldn't be blogging because I'm supposed to have other priorities today. Sigh.

Yesterday, I set off to work from home, covering approximately 150 km in 4 hours to make it to an important meeting. On the same evening, I covered another 150 km in the bus and train to be back home to cover the B&B for two days while my mother was supposed to have a small medical procedure. Unfortunately, the return trip didn't have confirmed seats so it was two hours of standing in a crowded train until I finally got a seat to sit for the next one hour.

I was standing beside a young couple with a toddler. The toddler even smiled at me a few times and I smiled back of course. On principle, I make sure to acknowledge all smiles and waves from children. We shouldn't make them feel negative or rejected too early in life.

After some time, the people in the train were all lost in their thoughts as the train journey continued. I was daydreaming as usual while listening to calming music and watching the passing scenery when suddenly when one of the smaller bags in the overhead compartment above me fell. My hand reacted involuntarily and caught it mid air and it was only a split second after I caught it that I emerged from the depths of my daydreaming to realise what happened! I wanted to shake the people standing next to me and ask "DID YOU SEE THAT??? I'VE ONLY SEEN THE FLASH DO THAT BEFORE!!". I didn't of course, for fear of being thrown out of the train.

The Flash 

(Image Source: GTA 5 Mods)

It was a baffling experience for me. The best explanation I can think of was that I am the Flash! No, but seriously though, I think it was the presence of a toddler directly below the overhead compartment which kept a subconscious part of my brain alert since I recently watched a bag fall on a man sitting in front of me. That, or this incident never happened and I was just daydreaming all along.

Stress levels are really high these days and I'm trying not to go up in flames. Thankfully, there are plenty of good things going that keeps me afloat. Like learning new things on the job, or having moments of joy watching a sunrise from my seat in the train or having a group of incredibly supportive classmates (having similar levels of stress) to fall back on for lab reports, help with tutorials and revisions during exams.

From the Colombo Fort station

 Watching a sunrise always gives me a renewed sense of hope...

 ...and a reminder that each day can be a beginning of something new

 I even felt the warmth of the Sun's rays touch my skin through the train window. That, with the right music can easily take someone to Cloud 9.

What I need to do now is to find a way to shift to a lower gear because this hill is getting harder to climb.

Pushing limits

Watching this video that a friend shared on Facebook today gave me inspiration for this mini-post.

Basically, the video says that being busy can be good for the following reasons:

• Being productive is a vital part of our human existence
• Being busy also means you are constantly improving yourself
• When you’re busy, you are also learning more things about yourself and pushing your boundaries
• When you’re busy, you surely have no time for negativity

Blogging or journaling, with its many famed benefits, is usually in my list of to-do's, along with things such as practice the violin, read a book, go visit new places, meditate, etc. However, what usually happens is that I always seem to have a lot of other things to do and these leisurely pursuits get pushed to the back of my head and stay there like a constant headache.

Once again in my life, it feels like finding that blissful place of relaxation is like attempting to find an oasis in a desert. My personality still baffles me because sometimes I feel like a walking paradox. I dislike taking responsibilities of any sort that makes my life complicated, however, I inevitably end up with a full plate of responsibilities and occupations that I can't seem to shake off. 

In my previous job in Singapore, I worked insane hours (60 - 70 hours a week) for too long (3 years 9 months) and towards the last leg of that race, I thought I was having clinical depression. To be on the safe side - mostly because I am a hypochondriac and I was sure my medical insurance would cover my self-diagnosed depression - I walked into a psychologist's office, for the third time within 12 years. Mental health is still taboo but becoming less so. While people won't flinch to hear that someone visited a doctor for a sniffle, many would roll eyes and/ or feel ashamed to admit to visiting a psychologist for a mental ailment. It turned out what I had was not clinical depression, but something called an "adjustment disorder" and for the benefit of my well being, I was asked to change that lifestyle as soon as possible.

(Funny story, my medical insurance did not cover my visit because it wasn't clinical depression and I was slapped with a jaw-dropping bill, which made me want to go back in time and take a Bachelor's degree in Psychology instead of Life Sciences, failing which, invest in an advanced hypnotherapy class to convince myself I am superhuman.)

Fast forward to my life now, I am doing a Master's degree on my weekends and at other times, I manage three jobs (working for two NGO's and one Bed & Breakfast) while I shuttle weekly between my home town in Kandy and the capital city which is about 125 km away. These days, I'm lagging behind in a lot of work, not in the best of health, not the best friend I can be to some of my closest friends, not doing as well as I should in university, etc. Basically, it's a struggle and yet I oscillate between that and a state of adrenaline rush, happy to be engaged and wanting to see how far I can challenge myself (as this article details).

History tells me that I should tread with caution.

Blogging: An Alternative to Studying

Day Two

Assignment: Familiarise self with more files and read relevant information on the internet.

Status: Mission accomplished. Brain supersaturated with information.

~ ~ ~

As the office consists of two other senior females and one senior male staff, I hang out with an intern about 9 years younger than me. The kid is friendly and has attempted on both days to make sure I am not feeling left out during lunch as the newest person in the office. 

She's a millennial. By the categorisations in the image below, I am one too, but we have marked differences in our general attitudes of life that I refuse to be associated with this generation. I mean, I can't really find fault with the way they think. They are, after all, a by-product of their circumstances like the time of birth, upbringing, social status, etc. Still, spending a little time with her today made me feel really relieved to be 31 years old. 

Now don't be an asshole, Shuri.

Image Source: The Wire

Said kid is an over-achiever in my dictionary. She's only 22 years old, few months away from graduating with a Bachelor's double degree. She said she was a professional dancer. She also dresses very professionally to work which gave me the initial impression that she was about 26 years old. She's managed to get accepted into the UN as an intern and she was very confident when she told me that she was going to do her Master's degree next year. 

And by contrast, I was a train wreck at 22!

Okay, I can really feel my case weakening now...

I swear, my lunch conversations with this youngster went like this today:

She: The girl before you was nice. I didn't know what to expect when they told there will be a replacement. But you are really nice. 

Me: *smiles shyly*

She: So what do you do in your free time?

Me: Erm. Lot of things. Spending time with pets, some photogra-----

She: OMG, I love your spectacles. It has a blue shine!!!

Me: Erm yes. It's a protective coating to minimise radiation. 

She: Soo cool. So what will you do after your 6-month contract with this NGO ends?

Me: I have to work on my thes---

She: I really love your spectacles. I wonder if I have to wear them too. 

Me: Can you feel your eyesight is getting weaker?

She: I think so. My friend had to wear them too. So how old are you?

Me: I'm 31. 

She: *nearly chokes on her rice* REALLY??  You don't look like that at all. 

Me: Thanks. I'll take that as a compliment. You must be about 26? (grave miscalculation on my part)

She: NOOOO, I'm 22!!

Me: *gasps* but then slowly notices the doe-eyes, naivety, blemish-free skin and realises this truly is a juvenile human specimen underneath an adult persona. 

She: So are you married???

Me: No, not yet.

She: Do you have a boyfriend???

Me: No, not at the moment.

She: Even my mother was hinting the other day for me to get married!

Me: You have PLENTY of time to be married. Don't rush.

She: You know, I did an Human Resource Management exam and got a Distinction!!!

Me: Nice! Well done. 

She: I wonder what I should ask my parents?

Me: What do you mean?

She: I need an incentive from my parents for getting a Distinction! It really works, no?

Me: [No, you don't!] *keeps quiet*

She: It's so hard to get a Class for my degree but my mother told me she'd get me a car if I got a Class.

Me: Well, that's a strong motivator to try harder. 

She: Yes!

Many things considered, the kid is alright and has added some colour to my observations and experiences within the UN compound (besides Agent Cat).

Another new year!

Happy 2017 to everyone!

Admittedly, I haven't been able to keep up my promise of blogging regularly. And I've come to realise that my biggest weakness is procrastination. As karma, I think, I am now about five 12-paged reports behind in submissions. WRITING isn't my best friend right now.

I don't consider myself very ambitious (or I would never procrastinate, right?). However, like bees on the scent of nectar, I generally turn my nose in the direction of food (primarily), nature and adventure. So very often, I accidentally stumble on to things like interesting people and opportunities that initially I didn't think would fit in the grand scheme of my interests (only to realise later it does).

Today was one of those days. I might add that it was a happy one too.

I started work as an intern (Project Coordinator) with a second NGO today. Now I have to shuttle between home for the weekend lectures and the capital city (4 hrs from home) for work on four days of the week. Thanks to a chance connection made by a good friend's father, I found a good mentor who in turn recommended me to this NGO. Through their involvement in projects funded by the UNDP, they work to increase biodiversity, fight climate change, minimise land degradation and minimise persistent organic pollutants with the involvement of (often) impoverished communities.

Previously, I thought the UN Compound was a top secret facility with strange people on the inside. Today, I found out it was not entirely true. There was a cat at the cafeteria too.