As I neared my office, I got a message from the boss saying that the office is not yet ready (we shifted last week) so we have to take today and tomorrow off.
Hurrah!
Not sure what to do with myself, I contemplated taking the big red tour bus (mostly for tourists) for sightseeing around the city of Colombo. Or a 2 hr trip to the Galle Fort for some photography. Or a visit to the Butterfly Garden at Moratuwa. In the end, I decided to stay in and relax because last weekend at home was hectic and I could do with some rest.
After downing half a bag of chips, I ate a large bar of Bounty chocolate followed by instant noodles for lunch (small joys of having a day off in solitude). Then my Aunty gave me a newspaper clipping about a newly opened Mangrove Museum that she had saved for me. After I was done reading and when I turned the page over, I stumbled on the "Marriage Proposals" section and discovered I had hit a gold mine (of entertainment).
Out of a total of 107 advertisements, 60 belonged to people, mostly parents, trying to "auction" their daughters to a prospective groom. 47 belonged to people, again mostly parents, who tried to attract a trophy wife for their supposedly perfect son. It appears there is a surplus of females in the marriage market, compared to males.
The first thing that strikes (a cynical) one who reads these is the overwhelming amount of showing off required to pitch one's son or daughter of marriageable age to a potential partner. Next is how most are marketed like perfect people who have good height, looks, character, excellent qualifications, are endowed with wealth, etc. Mind, these high marriage expectations are mostly those of the parents and not necessarily of their children to be married. There were even hints of embarrassment by parents whose daughters though well educated, were a little older.
Here are some of Shuri's picks from a "Marriage Proposals" section in a Sri Lankan newspaper. It really is a good reflection of how people of Sri Lanka feel about arranged marriages.
It sounds almost as if the parents are apologetic because their daughter had to study too long and because she's older now (but thank goodness she looks "younger than her age"!). Also "we pat ourselves on the back for finding a medical doctor wife for our PhD son, through an advertisement like this!"
Somehow, the parents can confidently vouch for their son's abstinence from alcohol and all other "vices" that young men are tempted into these days. Also, the mother wants a daughter who is 75% about the looks ("fair, pretty and slim") and 25% about brains ("academically qualified").
Did he just call himself "smart"?
We are richhh.
Hailing from a very famous family, devoid of all vices and looking for a very beautiful daughter.
Oh dear, the poor boy has been cursed because of his parents planets!
Tip: Age, height and adjectives on looks should appear before educational qualifications when marketing your daughter.
Did the mother just humiliate her daughter in public media by calling her "bit chubby"? Does the daughter even know about this? (Probably not).
Don't worry, she's 38 but looks only 25. I wonder if these parents who are embarrassed by the age and looks of their daughter managed to instill a healthy level of self-esteem in their daughter while she grew up. Again, probably not.
Only 1 out of 107 advertisements humanised the subject of the advertisement by adding a line about her interests. Whew.
To be fair, an advertisement with very little information also rouses suspicion. "Is he a murderer who killed off the people who were previously contributing to his encumbrances?"
With increasing mobility and scattering of people around the globe, there is more isolation of certain nationalities in foreign lands. For conservative families that want to retain their cultural roots by dictating the terms of marriage for their children, arranged marriages are perhaps the only way forward. And it is almost statistically impossible for people of marriageable age to find partners on their own who fulfill the marriage criteria set by their parents. To sieve through so many marriage proposal advertisements to find a match and then do the formalities after an initial match is found (leading to wedding, if successful) are extremely tedious tasks. Most Asian parents willingly go through this obligation with much devotion, patience and hope to ensure a happily ever after for their children. Else, they see it as a failure of their duties as parents and a conservative society will keep reminding them should they fail. Parents at this stage don't see what all the fuss from their children is (to agree to a good match) after all the trouble they took to ensure that the compatibility of the two persons (measured by caste, religion, socioeconomic factors and astrology) had the highest possible score.
Personally, I see nothing wrong with an arranged marriage if it is 1. consensual, 2. if marriage itself (and starting a family) were part of someone's goals in life, either by choice or by sticking to societal norms, and 3. passing down religious values, culture and traditions are an important aspect. After all, an arranged marriage is convenient, it comes with an extended warranty (from family, relatives and friends who vouched for the marriage), one can finally start a family of their own, there are good chances of succeeding in life financially because education, occupation and wealth factors were carefully considered from the initial stages and cultural roots can be maintained. Also, the concept of "falling in love" first (this being mainly emotion-driven) and giving secondary importance to other compatibility factors are not necessarily an assurance of a lasting marriage. In all cases of marriage (arranged and non-arranged), constant effort and contribution by both parties to keep the relationship healthy, is the only indicator of lasting success and happiness.
Disclaimer: Shuri remains convinced that the idea of a marriage (for the sake of achieving a milestone) does not align with her priorities or goals in life. Although Shuri is fond of children and they seem to like her back, she is not entirely sure she wants 100% ownership of them or that she can manage the anxiety that will come with such a big responsibility (of ensuring their safety always and good character). Shuri is also aware that the possibility of remaining single to the end of her days requires resolve - to tide through life's challenges without a dedicated companion, be an outcast in society and accept illness and death alone and gracefully as it comes - and she feels she can handle it.
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