"What you believe is not the problem.
What you believe I should believe is the problem."
The other day after the end of a grueling exam for auditors, Shu happily jumped in a bus to get to the interchange to catch another bus heading to Malaysia. In Asia, under normal circumstances, hardly anyone makes conversations with another stranger. It's not that they mean ill, but people on this side of the continent tend to be cautious and being cautious. Of course it's a gross generalisation. If anyone else makes the first attempt at socialising, a lot of these folks will be more happy to open up and become chatty.
As I sat in the bus, I spoke to my both my parents over the phone and whined about how hard the exam was (both in English and Sinhalese). After I hung up, the girl next to me initiated a conversation which went something like this:
Girl: Are you from the Philippines?
Shu: [a bit surprised given that Shu looks nothing like the fair people of Philippines] Um no. I'm from Sri Lanka.
Girl: You speak good English and that other language you spoke sounds like Tagalog. What is that language?
Shu: [beginning to get a bit suspicious] It's called Sinhalese. Are you from Singapore?
Girl: No, I'm from Malaysia.
In the minutes that passed, more information was shared. Then the conversation took a different turn.
Girl: Have you read this religious text before?
Shu: Um... bit and pieces.
Girl: Do you find the English in it hard to understand?
Shu: No.
As with credit card promoters and other persistent salesmen, at this point I would get a bit uncomfortable and try to move away from the situation or worse, get angry if they persist. But on this day, after many days of studying and learning that auditors must always be open minded diplomatic, perceptive, etc, I didn't have the urge to react (it is quite possible I was too drained from the exam). We chatted a bit on what we did and where we lived (unknown to her, I made every effort to steer the conversation from religion to more general topics) and she ended up being helpful in telling me how to get to the bus interchange which was a new area for me!
I've learnt that where I can't change them to think like me, I simply have to change the way I accept their advances:
1. People have various causes, beliefs and opinions, often different to mine. It doesn't matter if these views (in my standards) are good or bad or inbetween - people identify strongly with what drives them internally/ spiritually/ emotionally. Take me and being vegetarian, for example.
2. They may even attempt to convince me to adopt the same views while thinking they are doing the right thing or what's good for me. I think it's okay for people to approach someone to find out if they are interested - how else will there be sales or perpetuation of beliefs and causes? E.g. Have you heard of the benefits of being vegetarian? What's not okay is to keep persisting when the other person is clearly not interested in buying. E.g. You know, you are probably going to die of a horrible illness if you don't seriously consider turning vegetarian.
3. There's no point getting angry and emotional when someone expresses an opinion different to mine. Let them say what they want to say and whether I accept what they say ultimately lies in my control. Also, it lies in my advantage to be calm and emotionally unaffected. Sure, some of them make it their life's mission to change you and need to be dealt with differently E.g. Why won't you have meat? Here, just try this little piece I put on your plate. C'mon, you'll like it. But many others are sensible enough to realise when to stop pursuing it. And you'll probably meet a few who are respectful of your beliefs and never try to challenge it with theirs.
Then it was time to part our ways.
Girl: Do you have a pen so I can write down my email address for you to write to me if you have any questions about my religion?
Shu: Sorry, No.
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