It's hard to understand all the factors that led me into being like this. For all I know it was a slow transformation that occurred subconsciously for many many years. But what I do know now and what actually matters is that nearly all these associated fears are irrational and worse, it holds me back from enjoying the things I like, getting the things I want and living my life to the truest potential. Sometimes, the solutions aren't too clear or easy, yet sometimes, it can be as simple as strapping yourself to a paraglider + paragliding pilot and jumping off a cliff or even buying a $20 Groupon voucher for 4 dance classes.
This was an open Hip Hop class for beginners. Salsa wasn't really my thing, as I found out last year. After a rather disappointing interview earlier in the day, I was very much looking forward to this and made my way there early to sign up. I did the mistake of skipping dinner and tea before the class.
Very soon the instructor walked in and made us do some warm-ups. Ouch! Those hurt. Then we all stood up to start, and WHOOSH - Shuri was hit by a wave of postural hypertension. She announced "Today, we are going to learn a very sensual dance and it involves a lot of touching yourself" O_O Anyhow, it turned out she didn't choose her words carefully because it wasn't as bad as she put it. Sure, there were some hip shaking and butt pointing, but nothing too freaky.
The class was actually okay. The instructor was really good at what she does and a pleasure to watch. It seemed to come naturally to her and she clearly enjoyed dancing [Awww, I wanna be able to dance just like that!]. There were about thirty students packed in the studio but it was just nice that no one bumped their hands and feet on others. Some of the students were very good, some bad and some in-between. To my nerves' relief, I didn't know anyone and no one seemed to care about the others because they were all struggling to keep up with the moves. I picked a spot all the way at the back and later, suffered trying to get views of the instructor at the front. I was easily one of the worst students in the class. Although I followed the first half of the choreography, things got complicated later, I got a little disheartened and messed up all the steps subsequently. I even had to skip doing one of the twirls, because it seriously made me dizzy. Blacking out and hitting the glass was the last thing Miss Self-Conscious on behavioral therapy needed!
Ignoring social anxiety for the moment, I realised I had so many other issues to work on. First of all, my brain keeps getting confused over mirror images and it's relation to my left and right. I vaguely remember I had this issue while trying out Dance Central on the X-box kinect. As I was following the instructor's image on the mirror in front, I kept wondering if I was doing it right. Then, I have BAD, no wait, I have NO mind-body coordination. My brain has spent too many years worrying about how I'll look or what others will think of me while I make an ass of myself, that I haven't spent enough time learning to move or coordinate the different parts of my body. Maybe I should have spent more time observing my movements (rather than looking for irregularities of my appearance) in mirrors like normal people do. For all my brain knows, it is fixed to a stump of a torso and four appendages that are the legs and hands and complex coordination is...not possible. Following the instructor and keeping up was therefore overwhelming. Next, remembering the sequence of the moves was very tough. And finally, without practice and persistence, I'll be going nowhere further than square one.
At one point she said "Don't be too stressed, just imagine you are a diva!" [Gee, I wonder what that is like.]
Anyway, she left us with some helpful and hopeful advice saying, "Don't be too self conscious, you have to find a way to break out if it. I myself was extremely self conscious when I started out. It's only after you manage that, can you really enjoy dancing."
Man, I'm so looking forward to this movie. The background stories of the characters are often cheesy in this series of movies, but the choreography is guaranteed to be mind blowing. Kathryn McCormick, Travis Wall and Twitch from "So You Think You Can Dance" will be involved as characters and choreographers in this movie.
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